37w, 3d - 3w, 2d

Totally neglected this blog because I have been too busy with my two babies. Ended up in the hospital the evening after I posted last and gave birth on 12-29-10 at 34w, 1d. Babies spent some time in the NICU - 13 days for baby A and 18 days for baby B. Everyone is home now and details of the whole adventure are on my personal blog at http://becomingfamily.blogspot.com/. I probably won't be posting here anymore so if you are interested in what these two little guys (and my two big guys) are up to, head over to my other blog where I post a little more regularly.

33w, 5d

I'm miserable. Not just your feeling huge and tired because you're pregnant miserable. I've been throwing up all day and have the runs. All classic signs of preterm labor, but also signs of withdrawal from percoset. I ran out of the good drugs yesterday. After being on them for over three weeks I would not be surprised if I had become somewhat addicted. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed it is labor. Would love to make it awhile longer but I have reached the point where I'm ready to make these kids fend for themselves (with the great NICU staff for support) just so I can get some relief. This momma isn't going to be able to be a very good momma if I just keep getting sicker.

Nurse visited today. My blood pressure was 140/90. She said that was high but not high enough to call the dr. Still has me paranoid. I still just have the two open wounds and the one is almost healed. I also still have that third spot that has a little pinhole that this nurse likes to squeeze the shit out of to get all the yellowish gook out of. She thought at first maybe my sickness was from some virus that has been going around but decided to rule it out since I don't have a fever.

Hopefully I can make it until my marathon of appointments tomorrow (u/s, dr appt, NST). Also hoping they decide tomorrow to keep me and get these babies out for whatever reason - growth issues, high blood pressure on my point, because my body is done being pregnant. DH installed the car seats today just in case and we are slowly getting a bag packed. Planning on taking the bag with us tomorrow. Although I said maybe the hospital bag is like an umbrella and we should leave it at home - it never rains when you remember your umbrella but always does when you forget it.

No more possible blood on the TP today. Maybe once there could have been. I've felt maybe two or three contractions today. Thinking we need to step up these contractions.

33w, 4d

Yeah I'm lame. Christmas night and I'm blogging. Had my u/s Monday. One baby is still big, measuring at the 74th percentile. The other baby has dropped down to the 34th percentile. Had my dr appt on Thursday. Told me they were starting to be concerned. They sent me for a NST. I think I'm just going to take up residence at the hospital each Monday now. Starting this Monday and repeating every Monday I'll have an u/s, a NST, and a dr appt. They want to keep an eye on the growth and check out umbilical cord bloodflow to make sure the little baby is still better off inside or if I should deliver.

The open, infected part of my incision is healing well. However, a second infected area opened up earlier this week. At my appt on Thursday the dr snipped it open a little more with scissors to make sure it could drain properly. Good times. The nurse showed up today at my family's Christmas celebration. During the course of her packing my wound, I discovered another area that was draining that nasty yellowish liquid. It hasn't opened up yet but must just have enough of a hole to drain stuff. The nurse did a lot of squeezing and I thought I might pass out. Then we had Christmas dinner. After all that I didn't eat much.

There is some slight concern about my blood pressure. Not a problem yet but it has slowly been creeping up. My feet and ankles are incredibly swollen as well.

Just to make it all more fun, I'm pretty sure my mucous plug is slowly falling out. All day after I pee the TP is kinda brownish and mucousy. I told the nurse this and she said I'll probably deliver within 24 hours. I have heard of people not going into labor until weeks after they lose their mucous plug. She said with twins the extra baby weight applies pressure and labor is more immediate. I don't totally believe her. Haven't had any contractions. It does seem that the movement from the one baby is much lower than normal. My mom thought it looked like my belly dropped but I think she's wrong. I'm just glad I made it through Christmas.

32w, 5d

Still hanging in here. Had a bit of a setback earlier this week. The pain just got too intense and nothing I had available was helping so I went back to the hospital before dawn on Tuesday morning. They admitted me and ran a million tests to try to figure out if there was something new going on that was causing the pain. Nothing was found so it was all chalked up to being poor pain management after surgery. I spent about 36 hours there total, which was plenty considering how ticked off at the nurses I was getting at the end. I had been put on the morphine pump again while I was there and then switched back to percoset. This time they sent me home with a ton of percoset. I had a bit of a meltdown while talking to one of the drs. I really really hate taking narcotics while I have these two little babies growing in me. The dr kept reassuring me that I NEED the drugs and it isn't going to have any lasting effect on the babies. I still hate it. Plus, I am just so tired of having to be away from my kids. I am sure it is bad for anyone but being that they were adopted and I missed so much of the beginning of their lives only to bring them into this situation where there mommy is sick and in the hospital all the time makes me feel like crap. Was also feeling pretty hopeless just about being in so much pain and so sick. I feel like I still have months to deal with this. No idea when the babies are coming of course but it seems like as soon as I am going to be really recovering from the surgery, I'll give birth and have to recover from that. My chances of a c-section are much higher now since I shouldn't be laboring if I'm not really recovered from the surgery yet. I'll find out for sure at my u/s tomorrow, but I am thinking these babies have moved dramatically and aren't even head down anymore. I was hoping for a vag birth, but didn't really care too much if it was going to have to turn into a c-section. Now I am just dreading a c-section because it is yet another surgery. I am sick of being sliced open.

I got the staples taken on early on Tuesday. Everything I read online said it didn't hurt, that it was just some pulling. The internet lies. It wasn't that painful but lots of stinging and certainly more than just a little pulling. The dr noted that a small part at the bottom of the incision was a little infected and didn't say anymore about it.

I woke up in the middle of the night Tuesday at the hospital to pee. I noticed there was blood on the TP. I called in the nurse thinking maybe it was some sort of start of labor since I haven't had any bleeding the whole pregnancy. I was actually pretty excited to be going into preterm labor because I am so sick of being pregnant. The nurse gave me a pad to put on and some of those fancy net underwear since I wasn't wearing underwear. I went to put that on and realized the blood and weird liquid were coming from the incision and had just rolled south instead of originating down there. Guess the floodgates of my slightly infected incision decided to open up. A dr came in to check it out and packed my wound with a packing strip and covered everything up. Since I have been home, I have had in-home nursing care coming daily to clean my incision and repack the wound. I asked the nurse today and she said it will probably be a few weeks until it is healed. The nurses were hoping to teach DH how to care for the wound so I wouldn't have to have the in-home care. DH tried to watch the one day but was pretty grossed out by it. I don't blame him. I can't even see it since it is in the area under my big pregnancy belly, but it still grosses me out.

Oh and as of Tuesday I was 1 cm dilated. I realize that could mean nothing and I could be like that for months, but it does give me this tiny little glimmer of hope that maybe someday down the line I will have these babies in my arms and not inside my broken body. They did an FFN test on me as well. It came back positive this time around. I also realize that a positive doesn't mean much. A negative is pretty reliable that you won't go into the labor in the next 1-2 weeks, but a positive doesn't mean you will. But once again, still gives me hope that it really is a possibility!

Babies are going crazy in my belly on a regular basis. They are kicking me and it hurts. DH got a chance to feel them again last night. He hasn't felt them too often because it seems he is never close to me when they start moving and I know if I get up to take my belly to him, the babies will stop. Right after he was feeling them move, the one little kiddo decided to stretch out or something and there was a foot clearing sticking out of my side. It freaked me out.

I had a couple very generous friends come over yesterday and help with things around here. One friend wrapped all my Christmas presents for me. The other assembled a crib. We have had so many people bringing us food that it is overwhelming my already emotional self. We even had a package from Omaha Steaks delivered from a friend who lives in Hawaii! I got some flowers and later this week someone is bringing over some groceries and taking my pup out for a walk since she hasn't gotten much exercise.

That is about it. I am finally getting to the point of recovery where each day I can honestly say I feel a little bit better than the day before. I am still taking 2 percoset every 4 hours but I think tomorrow after my u/s I'm going to try out 1.5 percoset every 4 hours and see how that goes. I just want to take it slow because I certainly do not want to end up back in the hospital again. DH and I are going to attempt to take the kids to the mall here in a bit to get their picture taken with Santa. My sister called to let me know that the mall has complimentary wheelchairs. I can't believe I have gotten to the point in my life that riding in a wheelchair sounds like the most amazing thing ever. Out with the strollers! In with the wheelchairs! This will be the first time I have been out of the house since Black Friday where I am not just going to the hospital.

31w, 2d

I never do things the easy way. I just wish at this point I could have found an easier alternative to my latest drama.

I've been battling issues with my right ovary since the beginning of this pregnancy. If you recall, I spent my summer beach vacation in the Outer Banks Hospital writhing in pain caused by giant cysts on my ovary. The cysts were causing the ovary to attempt to turn on itself and cut off it's own blood supply. Things seemed to stabilize though and the ovary troubles appeared to be a thing of the past. Until a few weeks ago. The pain came back. I quickly learned that as soon as I felt the pain, if I were to lay in a particular position it would subside within 30-45 minutes. It wasn't ideal since I never knew when the pain would arrive and if it would be feasible to stop what I was doing dead in my tracks. But I got by.

Then along came the pain again last Thursday. I laid down. It went away. Within 30 minutes it was back and nothing I did would stop it. DH took me to the hospital. I dreaded going because, well, who looks forward to the hospital? But also because I have been there for the same reason multiple times and all it resulted in was me laying on a very uncomfortable table for hours on end in pain while virtually nothing was being done. Apparently I just wasn't screaming loud enough in the past because this time I got so much attention that the doctors wouldn't leave me alone. Unlike past pain issues with my ovary, this time around tests showed that my ovary was successful at twisting around enough to cut off the blood supply completely. By 1 am Friday morning I was having emergency surgery.

No one is all that fond of performing surgery on a pregnant woman. I certainly was not fond of being the patient in this scenario. I must have asked every question in the book pertaining to the risks of these babies of mine. The doctors assured me they were going to take every precaution. Normally the surgery would be laproscopic but that wasn't going to be an option with this big old pregnant belly of mine. I would have to go under anesthesia but they would keep me under as short of time as possible. (This meant I was awake during most of the surgery prep and they woke me up while I was still in the OR getting cleaned up after surgery.) The babies were monitored immediately after surgery. I was given steroid shots to help develop the babies' lungs in case they did need to be delivered and was given medication to stop labor just in case it started. The second I realized I was gaining consciousness while still laying there in the OR I shouted out, "Are my babies okay?"

Yes. The babies are fine. Almost a week after surgery and they are still fine. I'm now over 31 weeks pregnant with two very active babies. The big goal in twin pregnancies is to make it to 34 weeks. One surgeon said with all the stress, she would be surprised if I made it much longer than that. I told her she better prepare herself to be surprised then.

My ovary didn't have a very positive experience through all of this. The surgeons were hoping to untwist the ovary and allow the blood flow to return. The ovary had twisted on itself multiple times and after all the untwisting, no blood supply was returning. Bye bye ovary. I'm glad I don't have to worry about having anymore pain caused by that thing.

Babies might be doing great but I am downright miserable. My incision is about 12 inches long extending from a few inches above my belly button straight down, all held together by a shiny row of staples. I'm in a lot of pain. I would really love to get off of the pain meds they have me on but delaying a dose for just 15 minutes is excruciating. I've also had to deal with lots of minor post-surgery effects. My intestines stopped working for a few days after surgery. Things are better but eating is still not going that great. My lungs were threatening to collapse at one point. I am breathing better now with just a little wheezing. I am also retaining about 15lbs of water from all the IV fluids they gave me. Most if it is in my one leg making it very uncomfortable, difficult to walk, and makes me feel as though I have elephantiasis. I am home though. I missed my boys so much.

Happy Holidays to me!

30w

Wow. Up to thirty weeks now! I feel like I am on the home stretch. You would think it would get old at some point when I make it just one more week, but it never does. After a year of thinking I would never get pregnant, followed by all those years coming to term with the fact that I would never get pregnant, followed by surgeries and shots and u/s and endless trips into the city to try to get pregnant, most days I still can't believe I am not just pregnant, but so close to possibly giving birth to perfectly healthy twins with all the cards stacked against me.

Doing good. Still no signs of preterm labor which is awesome and crazy at the same time. I spend most of my time conflicted. I am so done with being pregnant and so ready to get these kids out and maybe be able to walk down a flight of stairs and not need a nap afterward, but also want to keep these babies growing in my belly for just a bit longer to make sure they are good and strong when they meet the world. As my dr said yesterday, I have spent most of this pregnancy worrying about whether the babies will survive, and now I am at the point where I am worrying about whether I will survive.

Had a pretty useless appointment yesterday. The dr said she wasn't concerned about the growth of the babies, Baby B in particular. Baby B is still average for growth and because both babies have their own placenta, it isn't like they are fighting over the nutrients in one placenta to see who gets the most. We talked briefly about giving birth. Looks like I am on track currently for a vaginal birth. The only downside to that is that there will be no access to my giant ovary that way to do anything about it at that time, so I'll just keep my fingers crossed that it cooperates after birth and returns to a normal size. Dr said as long as the bigger baby is head down and born first, there is no concern about the position of the smaller baby since the way will have been paved and they can even reach in and grab the smaller baby by the ankles and pull him out if need be. Sounds fun. And hell yes I will be getting an epidural.

After my appt yesterday I headed to the NICU for a tour. As much as I worried and cried about it last appt just thinking of my babies being there, I was almost perfectly fine. Might have teared up once. But I was also feeling pretty confident at that point that the time I spent at the NICU for the tour would be the only time I spend there. Mostly I couldn't get over just how HUGE the place was. It is the only level 3 NICU in the area (that I know of) and the hospital is pretty much known to be "the place" to give birth around the city. There are 48 rooms in the NICU, in addition to a 15 bed open area for babies that are closer to heading home. I didn't really see any babies, just maybe a leg here or there, since the nurse couldn't take me into any of the rooms for privacy reasons. I was good with that. The whole place was just so calm and relaxing that I almost wanted to be there. Almost. In the waiting room outside the unit, there was a big banner that was put together during a recent NICU reunion. There were hand prints with names and ages of kids that were once babies in the NICU there. Also written in the hand prints were the birth weights. It was very reassuring to see that most of the birth weights of the babies that were there, survived, and thrived were lower than the estimated birth weights of my babies currently.

29w, 4d

I'm tired all the time. My back hurts. My hands swell up and go down. My feet are swollen all the time. These babies have given up sleep and have decided to kick me all the time instead to the point of it really hurting. I'm hungry but nothing sounds good. I'm thirsty but tired of drinking. I have to pee every 10 minutes. I pee every 10 minutes but that doesn't stop me from peeing myself multiple times a day. My boobs are huge and stuff keeps coming out of them. I bought some breast pads to keep from leaking all over the place when my milk comes in but wasn't expecting to need them now. I have no idea where I put said breast pads. My pelvis hurts. One of the most painful things I have ever experienced happens each time I try to roll over. Ain't pregnancy grand?

My kids were nice enough to give me a cold this week. Colds suck. Colds really really suck when you are knocked up and can't take anything. I was up about every 20-45 minutes the first night the cold hit me.

DH and I signed up for a breastfeeding class at the local hospital (not the one I will be delivering at). It is a two week thing and our first class was early this week. I've been reading a lot on the subject but mostly took the class so someone else could tell DH about all the benefits of breastfeeding and what he can do to support it. We did have a conversation about the subject that involved me telling him that this was something I really wanted to do and listed several reasons why. I thought he should know all this so when the going gets tough and all I want to do is quit, he can remind me of all the reasons to keep going. I try not to make too much of a spectacle of myself but it ended coming up in the class that I am expecting twins. I had the joy of everyone staring at me while I tried to balance two freaky looking baby dolls on top of my giant belly while the two babies in the belly kicked furiously at the creepy plastic dolls.

I had a growth u/s on Wednesday. I took DS1 with me who was completely uninterested. Baby A was estimated to be 3lbs 5oz and Baby B was estimated to be 2lbs 12oz. This put Baby A at the 78th percentile and Baby B at the 48th percentile. First of all, I think it is just insane that any child of mine would even be average in size since I am so short and DH doesn't really have height on his side. The tech said that the difference in size between the babies was fine but I am interested to see what my dr has to say at my appointment on Monday. Three weeks ago Baby A was in the 76th percentile so that hasn't really changed much. Baby B was in the 59th percentile three weeks ago. No idea what this will bring but I won't be the least bit surprised if they start getting concerned about IUGR (inter uterine growth restriction) and poor little Baby B's growth being stunted by Baby A taking over all the room. In my completely uneducated mind, this probably means that if this trend continues over the next couple weeks (Baby B dropping on the growth chart), they might decide to take the babies early just to give Baby B some room to grow. I am really not too concerned about this. It will likely be weeks before the growth becomes and issue. Since I am already almost 30 weeks (and the magical number for twin births is 34 weeks) things will probably be fine, maybe just some NICU time for feeders/growers. If it wasn't clear already, I am really not a fan of this being pregnant thing currently (or ever really) so in a way it it nice to see that maybe, possibly, there is an end in the future.

There really hasn't been much mention of my UU with my medical people for the past few months. Of course we are all aware that it could cause issues still, particularly preterm labor, but my twin pregnancy has been pretty much normal up until this point despite the shape of my uterus. The tech that did my last growth scan commented that that both babies are on the right, which is pretty much how they have been. (I have a right UU.) Baby A is head down toward the center of my hips and his feet are in my right rib cage. Baby B is underneath Baby A with his head down on my right hip bone and his feet up toward my sternum more toward my left ribs (he is oblique, so kinda of crisscrossed in my belly). Oddly, my belly looks symmetrical but it is is easy to tell when touching it that the left side is pretty squishy where the right side is filled with baby parts.

A cousin asked me at Thanksgiving dinner about when I thought I would give birth. I said I am hoping the week after Christmas. That way we can get Christmas out of the way and not have to worry about Christmas + premature babies, and we would make it to the magical 34 week point, and we would be able to cash in on our tax refund this year instead of having to wait until next year. As weird as the world is, I am totally expecting to give birth on December 29th, which would be the anniversary of the surgery to remove my rudimentary horn and the pregnancy that was within it.