Agony

I am about ready to quit this infertility crap before I start it. I am miserable. Back in high school before I knew about my UU, I used to think that there was something wrong with my knee. I would get this pain that seemed to start in my left knee and run up my thigh. None of my doctors could find anything wrong with my knee. The knee pain seemed to pretty much disappear when I was 18, which was also around the time I went on birth control, although I never made the connection back then. Then I went off birth control so we could TTC. After a couple months I started noticing pressure and some pain on my left side of my uterus. Then I was diagnosed with a UU and I started to put everything together. Since I have been off of BCP, I have noticed that "knee" pain again and realized that the pain wasn't coming from my knee and shooting up my thigh, but it was coming from my messed up uterus and traveling down the nerves to my knee. I used to call it my "phantom uterine pain". I compared it to someone who was missing a limb but would still feel pain in it. I was missing a uterus on that side, but still had pain.

But, this is different still. I used to get that pain before AF would show up. I would get some cramps prior to AF and then once AF showed up, it was like sweet relief. Over the past 4 months I would say, things have changed and each month they get progressively worse. Now I still get the cramps prior to AF, but then I get this debilitating pain during AF. I have talked to my ob/gyn and mentioned it to the RE and neither of them seemed concerned about it.

I am in agony. Last month the pain on my left side was so bad it woke me up in the middle of the night. Yesterday on day 1 it wasn't so bad. This morning it was awful. Then it subsided throughout the day and came on in full force again tonight. No position helps. Sometimes the pain comes in waves that are so bad that my arms and legs go weak as all my energy is focused on dealing with the pain. I get nauseous and I have to remember to breathe through the pain. I take ibuprofen and acetaminophen and that doesn't even take the edge off. It is almost like a burning which is pretty much just in one spot, maybe where my left ovary is.

I just want this all to be over. I want to do this infertility stuff for a couple months and maybe it will work, maybe it won't. I don't even care right now what the outcome is. I just either want to be pregnant and not get my period or say we tried so I can go back on birth control and hopefully that will lead to less painful periods.

Gotta go eat something, even though my stomach is churning from the pain. I have to start fasting here shortly so I can get my day 3 blood work done tomorrow. Here's to hoping I don't pass out and I am not completely evil to my children in the morning due to low blood sugar while they eat and get dressed and we get out the door.