That Time of Month
And again, we are at that time of the month. Not the time when AF (Aunt Flo, a.k.a. my period) shows up. This is that time before that, when I start getting some cramps and/or bloating and/or headache and/or strange pains around my uterine area. Every month it is different. I don't know if it is like that for other women, or if it is just so different each month because of my odd anatomy. But, this is always the time of the month when I think... maybe I am pregnant?
And at this time of the month I know I am not, but there is still that one little part of my brain that knows it is not an impossibility.
I quit birth control in December 2007. I didn't tell DH, which I know probably sounds completely ridiculous. I wasn't trying to trick him into getting me knocked up and it probably sounds stupid when I say this, but I also just knew I wouldn't get pregnant. And if I had, there wouldn't have been anything wrong with that anyway. For a year and a half we have been having unprotected sex for no other reason than we (mostly) like each other, and like I suspected, I never have ended up pregnant. I did tell DH at some point that I ran out of birth control and never got my prescription filled. He didn't insist on wearing a condom or run off to get a vasectomy so apparently he was at peace with things.
So, just about every month I think... I really could be pregnant. Just about. I usually write down when AF shows up, but I don't have a clue when she is due again. A normal cycle for me is anywhere from 23-38 days, usually falling around 30-35 days. Sometimes suddenly AF is here with absolutely no warning signs whatsoever. Then, like last month, there are times when the cramps and the pain is so awful that I wake up in the middle of the night and think I am going to die.
But, I could be pregnant. We had sex this month. I don't know when I ovulate. (I think I do ovulate though since I charted back a few years ago when we were actually trying, but I could even be ovulating from the wrong ovary.) We could have had sex sometime around when I ovulated. Chances are, I am not. I'm not sad when AF shows up because I never really think this is it, never really think it could really even be it because I just don't get pregnant. Maybe someday.
And at this time of the month I know I am not, but there is still that one little part of my brain that knows it is not an impossibility.
I quit birth control in December 2007. I didn't tell DH, which I know probably sounds completely ridiculous. I wasn't trying to trick him into getting me knocked up and it probably sounds stupid when I say this, but I also just knew I wouldn't get pregnant. And if I had, there wouldn't have been anything wrong with that anyway. For a year and a half we have been having unprotected sex for no other reason than we (mostly) like each other, and like I suspected, I never have ended up pregnant. I did tell DH at some point that I ran out of birth control and never got my prescription filled. He didn't insist on wearing a condom or run off to get a vasectomy so apparently he was at peace with things.
So, just about every month I think... I really could be pregnant. Just about. I usually write down when AF shows up, but I don't have a clue when she is due again. A normal cycle for me is anywhere from 23-38 days, usually falling around 30-35 days. Sometimes suddenly AF is here with absolutely no warning signs whatsoever. Then, like last month, there are times when the cramps and the pain is so awful that I wake up in the middle of the night and think I am going to die.
But, I could be pregnant. We had sex this month. I don't know when I ovulate. (I think I do ovulate though since I charted back a few years ago when we were actually trying, but I could even be ovulating from the wrong ovary.) We could have had sex sometime around when I ovulated. Chances are, I am not. I'm not sad when AF shows up because I never really think this is it, never really think it could really even be it because I just don't get pregnant. Maybe someday.
posted by AM | 5:24 PM
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