Cycle 1
I can't believe we are finally here! AF showed up this morning which means this is our first cycle trying to get me knocked up. I lost all thoughts a couple days ago that I could possibly be pregnant on my own. Who am I kidding? That doesn't happen, even with perfectly timed sex. Everything is in order.
- Medication is here and is stored. I think I have some idea how to use it. I'm still scared of the giant needle on the HSG trigger shot.
- Called the nurse at my RE's office this morning to let them know that it was day 1 of my cycle. I have an appointment on Saturday morning (day 3) to have baseline blood work and u/s done. I should be starting my Gonal-F Saturday evening.
- The financial office at my RE's called. We are using ARC to help pay for our treatments. I called the financial office back again and waiting to hear from them again. I just want to go over one more thing with them. With our ARC package, we are covered for three IUI cycles. However, I have a high probability of my cycles being canceled if I am going to ovulate from my ovary that isn't connected to my uterus, and I don't want to waste my ARC coverage on those cycles. I just want to go over with the financial office one more time how we are going to deal with that situation.
- ARC called to confirm that they got my signed contract this morning. DH faxed it to them. It has been processed and we should receive our receipt soon, but until them everything is ready to go and we can start our treatment.
I think I am supposed to be all giddy and excited and baby crazy at this point. Maybe a normal person would be. Not me, not after all I have gone through to have children in this family. Part of me is like, what the hell are we doing? I have two kids that regularly drive me crazy and make me want to drink, and I am working this hard and spending this much money to try to bring more kids into the family. And my hopes aren’t really that high. We tried for a year back in 2005 and each month was a HUGE let down with unbelievable pain. I have been off of any form of birth control for 23 months. We haven’t been timing sex or anything but still, never once even had a late period. Not that I have cared over the past two years each month that my period showed up. It wasn’t a let down or a surprise. But here we go. There will be a much bigger investment of time, money, and emotions. I can’t get excited. Only worried. Only sad. I only know I am setting myself up for disappointment. Even the idea of getting pregnant scares the shit out of me. I have such a big chance of losing the baby. If I do get pregnant, at what point will I stop feeling scared and worried? For my other two kids, I wondered constantly if they would ever come home and our adoptions would ever be finalized. Here we go, off to try to add a baby to our family. It could be years. It could be months and months of treatments and appointments, miscarriages and/or stillborns, and then follow all that up with trying to replenish our bank accounts in hopes to wait for years and years to adopt again. Bringing children into your family should be a happy time, instead all I feel is stress and doom ahead.
Okay, and a little bit of excitement. But just a little.
- Medication is here and is stored. I think I have some idea how to use it. I'm still scared of the giant needle on the HSG trigger shot.
- Called the nurse at my RE's office this morning to let them know that it was day 1 of my cycle. I have an appointment on Saturday morning (day 3) to have baseline blood work and u/s done. I should be starting my Gonal-F Saturday evening.
- The financial office at my RE's called. We are using ARC to help pay for our treatments. I called the financial office back again and waiting to hear from them again. I just want to go over one more thing with them. With our ARC package, we are covered for three IUI cycles. However, I have a high probability of my cycles being canceled if I am going to ovulate from my ovary that isn't connected to my uterus, and I don't want to waste my ARC coverage on those cycles. I just want to go over with the financial office one more time how we are going to deal with that situation.
- ARC called to confirm that they got my signed contract this morning. DH faxed it to them. It has been processed and we should receive our receipt soon, but until them everything is ready to go and we can start our treatment.
I think I am supposed to be all giddy and excited and baby crazy at this point. Maybe a normal person would be. Not me, not after all I have gone through to have children in this family. Part of me is like, what the hell are we doing? I have two kids that regularly drive me crazy and make me want to drink, and I am working this hard and spending this much money to try to bring more kids into the family. And my hopes aren’t really that high. We tried for a year back in 2005 and each month was a HUGE let down with unbelievable pain. I have been off of any form of birth control for 23 months. We haven’t been timing sex or anything but still, never once even had a late period. Not that I have cared over the past two years each month that my period showed up. It wasn’t a let down or a surprise. But here we go. There will be a much bigger investment of time, money, and emotions. I can’t get excited. Only worried. Only sad. I only know I am setting myself up for disappointment. Even the idea of getting pregnant scares the shit out of me. I have such a big chance of losing the baby. If I do get pregnant, at what point will I stop feeling scared and worried? For my other two kids, I wondered constantly if they would ever come home and our adoptions would ever be finalized. Here we go, off to try to add a baby to our family. It could be years. It could be months and months of treatments and appointments, miscarriages and/or stillborns, and then follow all that up with trying to replenish our bank accounts in hopes to wait for years and years to adopt again. Bringing children into your family should be a happy time, instead all I feel is stress and doom ahead.
Okay, and a little bit of excitement. But just a little.
Labels: infertility, injectable fertility medications, injectables, unicornuate uterus
posted by AM | 11:10 AM
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