5 wks, 0 days ?

My best estimate using the funky way that pregnancy weeks are counted is that today I am exactly 5 weeks pregnant. That is, if I'm pregnant at all. I think I am supposed to be, but I just don't really believe it yet. I didn't sleep much on Sunday night, the night after I found out. I was just hanging out awake in my bed thinking, Holy shit I'm pregnant. I am keeping my fingers crossed that all goes well. I feel confident that it will, which I know is foolish of me since there is such a high risk of it not going well. If all does go well, I've already made a list of some of the sacrifices I'll have to make. No vacation next summer, since I won't want to be too far away in case things change quickly. I might not be able to fit in a couple outdoor concerts that I usually attend because standing in the hot sun with a bunch of morons might not be advised. My sister-in-law is getting married in June and I'll be big, and hopefully everything is going well because it would suck to miss her wedding.

I felt rather normal yesterday. My brother and his gf are headed back home for Christmas so I decided to tell them the news so I could tell them in person. It felt like I was lying to them. They didn't quite know how to react when I told them since I was really reserved in the news, and not jumping up and down and screaming it. I don't think they were really sure that I wanted to be pregnant at first. One of them said, "I didn't think that was possible." I didn't really think it was either.

I also emailed my friend J and told her. I was debating. I told her that I would tell her but I was hoping she would tell me that she had good news first. She emailed me back and her whole message was filled with capital letters and exclamation points. She is excited for me. Unfortunately, she is not pregnant this month. She said they aren't trying this coming cycle for sure and she isn't sure they are going to try again, and she is okay with that. I still feel guilty.

I got two bibs that say "I love my grandma" yesterday. I figured I would wrap them up and give them to our parents for Christmas.

I've felt pretty crappy today. Mostly I have had this horrible headache and I am afraid to take anything for it. Also, I'm tired. I had to get up at 5 this morning to go to the city for blood work again. They called and said all my numbers are rising like they should. What a relief. I was told originally that I would have to go in after Christmas for an u/s. Then today they said I should come in tomorrow. I would really like DH to be there but he has a meeting he can't get out of, so I am on my own. Then I had to get a hold of my mom. I made up some story about how I have to go to my PCP because I have been having these horrible sinus headaches and I want to have them treated before Christmas and I will be gone a long time since I never changed my PCP since I moved from the city last year. Thank goodness I can quit with all these lies soon.

Now I'll probably have u/s pictures to show at Christmas. I wish I would have known that before. I would have just skipped the bibs. Maybe I will re-wrap the bibs and attach the u/s picture to the back of them or something.

I'm off to take a nap.