Changing Plans

I've been a little unsure about starting injectables next cycle. Not that I have cold feet or anything like that. I just have concerns. Really just one concern. DS1 (dear son #1) is headed off to preschool this fall, probably right about the time that I will need to head to the city every morning for blood work and/or u/s. I know that DS1 is going to have a rough adjustment to going off on his own to preschool for a few hours a couple days a week. I was trying to figure out how it was going to work out, trying to get to the city and back and then get him to preschool by 9:30. It is doable... likely, but would be hella stressful, particularly if that ends up being the first week or two of preschool for him.

My RE wanted me to get the HSG report and MRI report to him in the next week and a half. Also, I have to get a hold of my insurance and find out all the details about what they cover and what they don't, which I am assuming the answer is that they don't cover anything. Then I have to report that info back to the RE office to have the meds ordered. The meds need to be order two weeks before my next cycle starts to make sure they arrive in time. And I have done none of this yet.

DH got a call from his urologist yesterday. I had totally forgotten that he had white blood cells in his first SA and they were rechecking that. The second SA showed that he had some sort of infection and the urologist called in an antibiotic for him to take. Then he is going to go back in for another SA in three weeks to make sure that antibiotics fixed the problem. Not sure what is going to happen if the problem is not fixed, and if I do everything I am supposed to by then, my order for my meds will already be in. And what if the SA still comes back a little irregular? Probably not the end of the world but then we would be going into our first round of injectables with me stressed out about missing preschool and DH not having optimal semen.

We are not completely committed to the idea, but we are thinking that maybe we will wait another cycle before we start. That will probably mean the beginning of October. It seems quite a while away but if we are going to do this, we should probably do it right. I am sure that if I didn't already have two wonderful kids and getting that first baby was the only thing on my mind, we would be diving into this with a little more impatience.

In good news, my period is almost over and apart from some normal cramps on the first day, I have felt fine. None of that doubled over thinking I was going to die thing that happened last month. Yay!

The First Inklings of a Plan

I had a followup appointment with my RE this evening. AF was two days late so today was day 1 of my cycle as well. There was lots of talking going on and most of it wasnt surprising. All my test results came back normal, apart from the half a uterus thing. He went over in far more detail than I will here four next courses of action:

1. IVF
2. Injectables with IUI
3. Agressive Clomid Cycle
4. Laparoscopy

DH wasnt at the appointment with me so basically I was told that we were supposed to discuss it and get back to him with what we have decided. We have discussed it and have decided to wait a few days. We aren't planning on doing IVF and we arent really the best canidates for an aggressive clomid cycle since that is used mainly if my periods werent regular, which they are. He brought up doing a laparoscopy to check for endometriosis. I mentioned before about having painful periods recently. Also, one of his fellows had done a research project on endomentriosis and found that women with fair skin and red hair are more likely to have it. I wanted to tell him that I just dyed my hair yesterday (which I did) and it usually isn't this red but I don't think that would change the fact that I have fair skin and my natural hair color has red in it.

I asked him about which side my uterus was because during the sonohysterogram I thought they said it was on the left but I thought that when I was originally diagnosed they said it was on the right. He pulled out the paperwork and said that the sonohysterogram said left but during the exam they said right and asked, "So does that make sense to you?" I said, "No, not at all." I was a little concerned because he didnt seem to realize why I felt this information was important. I made some comment about how if I ovulated from the ovary that was not connected to my uterus, that it would be pointless to go ahead with an IUI since the egg(s) wouldnt get to my uterus anyway. Then he seemed to get where I was coming from and immediately jumped on board. Along with all the other stuff I need to do over the next couple weeks pertaining to my fertility, I need to try to track down the results from the HSG I had done 3.5 years ago because that will be the most conclusive test to find out where my uterus is hanging out.

DH and I talked tonight and pretty much decided we are doing the injectables, which is pretty much what we had decided before we went in. However, we are going to wait the next couple of days and see how things go pain-wise for this cycle. I really dont want to have a laparoscopy, but I also really dont want to be in pain like I was last month either. As of right now, just normal period cramps.

I got a huge folder from the RE talking all about treatments. I have a giant checklist that I have to tackle at some point when I am feeling less overwhelmed. At the top of the list is calling my insurance to find out if anything is covered and where I should get my drugs from. Also need to get those HSG results sent to the RE. The RE said something about calling them about 2 weeks before this cycle ends and I should have some things done by then... only I don't remember what things I am supposed to get done. I probably won't have a chance to read anything in the packet until Thursday. So that is that. A lot of nothing.

That's Convenient

I went to Target today to get a couple camis. I got home, tried two of them on, and was very pleased with them. However, I was slightly confused at their structure. Then I took a look at the tag. They are "nursing tanks". I am totally keeping them because (a) they fit great and (b) in another year I plan to be putting the nursing function to use.

The Whack Shack

DH had to have a followup SA done and today was the day. He came home and told me that he went to The Whack Shack. And so it will be called. Nothing all that exciting there - at least not for me. I am guessing it was exciting for him. He said they got some new magazines since the last time he was there.

As for me, I am 8dpo (8 days past ovulation). Just waiting for AF to show up which will probably be sometime between Thursday and Saturday. The sooner the better. The sooner this cycle is over means the sooner the next cycle is over which means the sooner we can finally get this ball rolling. I am getting to the point of disbelief. We decided in May to TTC and it is looking like it will be September before anything even gets started for real.

My Sonohysterogram

What an easy procedure, that silly sonohysterogram. Yes, the one that yesterday I was all worried about and had bizarre TTC (trying to conceive) related dreams because of last night. I even found myself in my typical nervous mode this morning where I, for some reason, become hyper-alert and start taking in far too many details than our necessary. Maybe I do that to try to distract myself. Maybe I do that in case life as I know it is about to end and I want to remember what my prior life was like.

I was up at 5:30 this morning. I was hoping to leave at 6:30 but I had stalled a lot this morning and was not ready. I read on that blog I mentioned yesterday that the girl's doctor had told her to eat a breakfast high in protein. I was not told this but decided I would have a couple of eggs with my cereal just in case it made a difference. No clue what sort of difference it was supposed to make.

By the time I got there, parked, and made my way up to where I needed to be, it was 7:47. The waiting room only had two men in it, a vast contrast to last time I was there and the place was packed. I giggled to myself thinking those men were probably there to "produce a sample". I had to be there by 8:00 to have a blood pregnancy test done. Which, of course, was totally ridiculous. The whole reason I have been doing all this stuff involving the infertility clinic is because I CAN'T GET PREGNANT. If I could just accidentally get pregnant and not know it, then I guess I wouldn't have needed to be there at all. But, I am sure the clinic has lawyers and procedures and what not so I humored them and let them have some of my blood. I was told I could leave and just come back to the suite about 15 minutes prior to my scheduled appointment and make sure I signed in again. That gave me over an hour to kill.

I had brought a new book to read, one my mother apparently stole from our public library and I realized when I opened it that it was in large print. I thought about taking a walk but the weather was gross and I didn't think that walking around that busy area of town during rush hour was going to calm me. So I just went to the lobby and read. I was supposed to have a semi-full bladder for the test so I drank some Gatorade. I took some Tylenol to help with potential cramps. I was going to take four of them just to be over medicated but forgot to take the last one.

I went back upstairs around 9:10, signed in, and sat with one other lady in the waiting room. Then I got called back by the ultrasound tech. She asked if I ever had a sonohysterogram before. I said I hadn't but did have an HSG. She said they were very similar but there would be far less cramping with this test. Yay!

Then we were back in the u/s room. She explained a little about what was going to happen and pointed to an u/s picture on the wall of a uterus and said we would see a nice triangular shape like that on the screen. I said, "Mine won't look like that. I have a unicornuate uterus." We made some small talk about my uterus and then I headed into the bathroom to remove my pants and cover up with a sheet. Then I was in the stirrups.

First I had a short trans-vaginal u/s. I had had this done once before so I was no stranger to the dildo cam. Basically she took this giant wand, put a giant condom on it, and squirted on some lube. I lied down with my feet in the stirrups and she handed me the wand to insert in my vagina and she went from there. She just wanted to get a couple baseline pictures to figure out where my uterus was so she wouldn't be searching around for it while they were performing the sonohysterogram.

Then she went off to get the dr who had a resident with him that day. I looked around the room and noticed the u/s tech had her lunch bag on her desk. I got the giggles thinking how glad I am that I don't have to eat my lunch every day in a room with a giant dildo cam just a few feet away. It made me really wish DH was there because the two of us would have been cracking up and making stupid jokes.

My dr came in along with the resident. They made small talk which led me into saying how I partied a lot in college, you know, just what I wanted them to know. Then it was time for me to show the goods to all these people who are virtual strangers to me. I am thinking that by the time all this infertility stuff is over with, I am going to be an expert at spreading my legs for strangers and lettimg them uncomfortably prod me down there. I am not an expert yet though.

The resident did the whole inserting the catheter part. That part sucked. But it was totally bearable. It was uncomfortable like a pap smear but worse because it lasted longer. Bur really, not that bad at all. Kinda like some pinching but that was it. I didn't feel that tense but they kept telling me to relax and I kept thinking, "Yeah, you lie here while someone pokes around in your hoo-ha with some metal instruments while three people are all staring down there to see what is going on and try to relax!" I had to remind myself to breathe and realized at one point that I was pushing my legs so forcefully into the stirrups that I might snap one off. (Snap off a stirrup I mean. Not my leg. That wouldn't have been weird.)

The resident was trying to get this metal thing into my cervix to open it up enough to slide a catheter in there. The catheter was in and my dr said the resident was going to remove the instrument and I would feel so much better. So true. From that point on I really felt nothing. Well, except for the dildo cam but that isn't at all painful. The resident asked the u/s tech if she was ready and then the procedure started, which lasted about 1 minute. Saline was injected through the catheter into my uterus. The uterus usually is pretty deflated so this blew it up like a balloon so they could get an idea of what it looked like on the inside. I felt the most mildest of cramp feelings when the saline started but that was it. I was just hanging out looking at the ceiling waiting for the bomb to drop. You know, the bomb when they tell me that my life as I know it was over. Turned out, there was no bomb.

There was a slight suspicion about something that was determined to be thickened uterine lining since I have already ovulated this cycle. But, nothing else. I was given the all clear. The catheter was removed and the resident gave me her hand to help me up, which I didn't even take because I was almost all the way up already and feeling nothing out of the ordinary. Everyone was asking how I was and I was like, "Totally fine!" I told the dr that it was far worse yesterday when I was thinking about than it was actually doing it.

There was brief conversation about the results and our next step, which just included the fact that there were no fibroids or polyps and that I already have my next appointment scheduled for a week and a half from now. The dr and resident left and the u/s tech told me to change. There were pads in the bathroom to use since the saline would leave my body slowly over the rest of the day. I heard there might be spotting too. I looked really hard at the toilet paper when I peed after I got home and maybe kinda might have saw something, but only because I was looking so hard. After getting dressed, the u/s tech gave me a quick tour of my uterus on the u/s screen.

She said, "And here is the top view of your uterus." And I was all, "That isn't my uterus!" Back when I was diagnosed with a UU in 2006, I was told I had a right UU. The u/s picture showed that I had a left UU. It was actually this huge relief! (And me being totally annoyed that I was given the wrong information.) All the pain that I have from my periods and during my cycle are on my left side. I have been freaking out that there was something odd in there like a rudimentary horn or cysts on the ovaries or who knows. But no, the only thing odd in there is my left UU. It is no wonder I only feel cramps and pressure and stuff on that side.

There was nothing else really that interesting about my half a uterus. One of the concerns is the actual size of my uterus, because the smaller it is the harder it will be to get it to stretch enough to carry a child. I didn't ask about that because I figured it was something that would be discussed at my next appointment. On tv though, my uterus looks huge!

And that was that. No big deal at all. Yesterday I thought I was crazy for thinking about going it alone. Today I am so glad I didn't drag anyone with me to something that was so easy. I haven't had any cramping or anything. I was so excited when I got home that the stupid thing was over, that I insisted that DH (he took off work today to watch the kids), the kids, and I all do some retail therapy. I was in the mood to shop. We now have a new ceiling fan.

Oddly, I came home to an email from a girl I met through a message board who lives in the area and has a UU as well. She said her infertility treatments haven't been going so well and she wanted to pick my brain about adoption. I haven't emailed her back yet because I haven't decided if I should mention that we are now doing the infertility thing.

Maybe I Shouldn't Have Done That

People say all the time not to look on the internet for medical stuff because it is just scary. I know this. I've made the mistake myself several times. Tomorrow is my sonohysterogram so what did I do? I googled "sonohysterogram". I had good intentions. I was just curious how it was different from the HSG (hysterosalpingogram). I did the HSG before. It involved injecting a dye into the uterus and taking x-rays. Turns out the sonohysterogram is really similar. They inject saline into the uterus and use ultrasound to check things out in there.

Then I came across a blog where someone was talking about their experience with the procedure. Lots of talk of cramps and spotting and poking in the cervix and a polyp discovered that needed surgically removed. Still glad I read it because there was still lots of talk about how the HSG was much worse. I survived the HSG and even survived the part where they were all, "Yeah, something is really messed up in there and your uterus is half of what it should be." So, I can do this.

Although I am convinced now I have a polyp. My periods keep getting more and more painful and that is pretty much what the person in this blog had said. Whether we TTC or not, I really want to get rid of these painful periods so I guess this is a necessary step no matter what.

In good news, I read a little further on this blog that I came across and found out there is supposed to be a third Bridgette Jones movie, where she is trying to get pregnant. I love Bridgette Jones so I'm pretty excited about this!

Urologist

I got the skinny on the urologist appointment today. Had this conversation with DH when he came home from work:

Me: What did you do today?
DH: Had some guy fondle my balls... oh and after that I went to the urologist.

(If you didn't get it, that was a joke. No one actually fondled his balls other than the urologist.)

Nothing too much exciting to report. His semen analysis (SA) that he had done a month or so ago showed somewhat low morphology and white blood cells. The urologist said that he wasn’t too concerned about either. He does have a varicocele on the left side but it doesn’t seem to be causing too much harm. Greg has to do another SA and have some bloodwork done to make sure he doesn’t have some sort of infection (which might be why there are white blood cells in his semen). If the white blood cells show up in the next SA, they are going to be analyzed to find out exactly what kind of infection he has. The doctor also told him to start taking a multivitamin that contains vitamins A,C,D, and E, which may help to clear up some things as well. We need to pick up some Astroglide lube too because that is supposed to be less toxic to semen than KY is. Not sure that really matters since I don’t plan on getting pregnant from having sex anyway.

The Big O

It isn't confirmed on FF yet, but I am almost certain I ovulated yesterday. I had a bit of a temp rise today and no more fertile CM. This cycle will surely end before my next RE appointment, not counting the one I have this week for the sonohysterogram. Guess we will start trying in September. That might interfere with visiting my brother who lives out of state but that was just an idea and not something we actually had made plans for anyway.

DH had an appointment with a urologist today. I got a quick email from him that it was no big deal but I should probably wait until I know more details before posting anything that he said in the email.

Fertile

So it is looking like I am fertile. Which is just funny in all sorts of ways. First of all, because I am totally not fertile. And yet I've got all these signs pointing to me being fertile at this point in time. I have egg white cervical mucus (EWCM) out the ying yang (and by ying yang I mean vagina) and from charting in the past, that is not necessarily a common thing for me. I didn't have any EWCM at all last month. This pretty much sucks.

I can't ovulate yet. I just can't. I need to wait at least another week. My luteal phase tends to be pretty short, not the typical 2 weeks. I have an appointment with my RE on July 27th, which will be day 29 of my cycle. If I ovulate in the next couple days, I will never make it until July 27th without starting a new cycle. If my cycle starts before my next appointment, there is no way we will be able to start any sort of treatment for my next cycle. Although, the more I think about it, the less likely we will be able to do anything next cycle anyway. I'll need time to get all my meds and all my instructions on how to shoot myself up with my injectables and I am getting the idea already that no one (as in the medical people) really seems in any hurry to get any of this baby making stuff underway.

And this whole fertile thing is a joke because we can't even have sex. We are in the abstaining for the sonohysterogram period. Not that having sex would get me pregnant anyway. Sex might get people pregnant but not me.

Less than a week until the sonohysterogram. It could show that I have a pea-sized uterus that could never sustain a pregnancy anyway so none of this might matter at all. I asked DH if he thought it would be weird if I took my newest copy of Adoptive Families magazine with me to read in the waiting room of the fertility clinic while I waited for my test.

Dreams

DH had a dream over the weekend that I was pregnant. I think this might be a better omen if it weren't for the fact that in his dream I was being a surrogate mother so my mom could have a baby. That is just twisted on so many levels.

I had an infertility dream last night too. From what I remember, my obgyn was mad at me for going to see an RE and was making fun of my RE and saying what a horrible dr he was. Somehow my obgyn knew that I was going to get a sonohysterogram and new that I had to wait a couple weeks to have it done and my obgyn was going to show up my RE by giving me a the sonohysterogram that very day.

Scheduled

My sonohysterogram is scheduled for July 17. They wanted to do it somewhere between day 5-10 of my cycle but I guess that isn't happened. We can't have sex for 10 days prior to the test. I have to get blood drawn for a pregnancy test before they do the procedure which seems stupid to me, knowing that I just don't get pregnant. DH is taking off work that day to take the kids to swim lessons in the morning and I will be off to the test alone. I don't really want to go alone only because I know it will hurt and I will be all cramped up and have to drive back. I wonder if I will start having flashbacks from when I had my HSG done...

My Old Self - Only with Less Blood

Had to have my day 3 blood work done today. Thankfully after last night's horrible pain, it seems that that is all over. At least until next month. I had to fast for 12 hours, which really ended up being more like 11.5 hours. I was pretty hungry this morning and it really sucked to be making breakfast for my kids and sitting there while they ate it and I was starving. I felt fine by the time I got to the lab though.

Only had to wait about 5 minutes which was good since I had both kids with me. The phlebotomist complimented me on how adorable and well behaved my kids are. They started removing my blood. They had to take a bunch. Then apparently my blood stopped flowing or I ran out. I must have made some more though because they were able to finish. I felt better after fasting and having all my blood removed than I did the last two times I went when they only removed a little of my blood and I got to eat first.

I still don't have my sonohysterogram scheduled. I called Monday but the lady who does the scheduling was out. I left a message. She didn't call back. I called again this morning. She called back (while I was eating lunch with my mom) and said she would have to call back after she figured something out because the next appointment my RE has isn't until July 20 and that would be too late. She never called back. I called her again a little after 4 and was told that she was gone. Great. More phone calls to make.

My mom asked me about the phone call that I had gotten during lunch. I told her that I have to have a test done because I have been having these awful, painful periods that keep getting worse. I figured it was a good lie. I can keep using this whole testing because of the painful period thing if I need her to watch the kids over the next few months.