5 weeks, 5 days

Tomorrow is the big day. I have my appointment in the morning to find out the fate of Emily the Embryo. Thankfully DH is off work and he will be going with me. My mom is under the impression that I am seeing my RE to discuss surgery to remove my rudimentary horn, which may or may not be true.

I am just at such an odd place. I am pregnant but not expecting a child. I feel far less pregnant than I did last week at this time. Thankfully, most of my pregnancy symptoms are gone. I've been feeling tired but that could just be from running around so much for Christmas. Sometimes I am starving and sometimes I have no appetite and pretty much forget to eat. I sometimes feel burning in my rudimentary horn (which I feel throughout my cycle usually) and wonder if suddenly it is going to rupture and I am going to die. Once in a while I feel a cramp and hope that I am having a miscarriage because at least then God/nature would be taking care of this and I wouldn't have to. That is what my life has been reduced to - hoping I don't suddenly die and hoping that I have a miscarriage. How fucked up is that?