5 weeks, 1 day
That day back in January of 2006 when I found out that I had a unicornuate uterus was one of the worst days of my life. Today was a lot like that day. Today sucked. More suck is to come. I don't even think I feel like writing it all up right now. For once, I might just stick to the shortened version of things.
I went in for my u/s today. I'm pregnant, only it is pretty much the worst case scenario in my opinion. The embryo implanted in my rudimentary horn. Not only is it extremely rare to have half a uterus in the first place, but it is extremely extremely hideously rare for the embryo to implant in the rudimentary horn. My rudimentary horn is not connected to my main part of my UU at all. This means that the sperm had to swim up through my right side of my UU that is connected to the cervix, up and out the fallopian tube, across my abdomen, and down the fallopian tube that is connected to my rudimentary horn.
And of course it is December 23rd. There were no doctors in the office. The u/s tech obviously hasn't been completely trained in freaks like me. Even the nurse that went over my u/s afterward had no clue really what this meant. I tried to convey to her that this was bad, but could really only say so much because I probably would have just fell to the floor in the fetal position and started crying. The nurse made an appointment for me to come back next Wednesday for another u/s and said my RE will be there then.
DH wasn't there for all of this. He had a meeting. I emailed a friend on my phone from the office because I thought I was going to lose it. I couldn't even get a hold of DH until late tonight. It was all quite lonely. Oh, and google (which I knew I shouldn't even ask but couldn't help asking) said my rudimentary horn was going to rupture and I would bleed to death.
It took me an hour to get home and as soon as I walked in the door the nurse called. She said she spoke to my RE and he wants me to come in first thing Monday morning. (Maybe he thinks I will be dead by Wednesday.) I posted on the Mullarian Anomalies board and the Unicornuate Uterus board to see if anyone could shed some light on the situation. So far, this is apparently rare enough that no one on there has experienced it. I don't really have a clue what the next step is. I just get to sit around being pregnant and pretending this is the best Christmas ever until Monday. Needless to say, the bibs that I wrapped up to tell our families are no longer under the tree. I hid them in a corner in the attic.
DH kind of pissed me off about all this. He had a bad day today, but seriously, could it have been worse than mine? I mean, I guess it could have been but it certainly wasn't. He said that it sucks, but this is far better than me being pregnant with multiples. WTF?? How is this better?? He and I aren't in total agreement about selective reduction and one of my big fears was that we would have to make that decision. But at least it would have been a decision. At least chances were high if we chose to reduce, I would still be pregnant. Instead we get no choice and the only thing I will have to show for it is this ultrasound photo of a tiny little sac that I can't even bear to look at.
I told my BFF and she has been great. Thanks for all the emails and truly, nothing you said came across the wrong way. And because I know you are going to read this, I did tell that glob of cells WTF like you asked me too. I even gave it hand gestures to go along with your words. My other friend C that knew I got pregnant now knows about this too. I haven't told J yet. I emailed my brother to let him know that things weren't going to work out and I have decided not to tell my parents so he shouldn't mention it either, not that I thought he would.
I ended up telling my friend tonight who is blind and going blinder. I wasn't going to say anything to him about any of this. He and I both have rare conditions, even though his obviously has nothing to do with his uterus. It is nice to have a buddy that is a freak of nature like me, and even though he can't understand my problems directly, indirectly he gets how much it sucks to be broken. I am feeling far better about this now. Not good of course, but far better. I did get pregnant. I thought that was something that would never happen. Maybe it will never happen again but there is hope that when this chapter is over and we are ready to move forward, it could happen again. I am still pissed off that I can't even be one of those people that gets pregnant and loses a baby in the normal totally sucky way. I have to be one that has to take a million steps between those points A and B. So, I got the baby in my belly that I have always wanted. Now I have to kill it before it kills me. Merry Christmas.
I went in for my u/s today. I'm pregnant, only it is pretty much the worst case scenario in my opinion. The embryo implanted in my rudimentary horn. Not only is it extremely rare to have half a uterus in the first place, but it is extremely extremely hideously rare for the embryo to implant in the rudimentary horn. My rudimentary horn is not connected to my main part of my UU at all. This means that the sperm had to swim up through my right side of my UU that is connected to the cervix, up and out the fallopian tube, across my abdomen, and down the fallopian tube that is connected to my rudimentary horn.
And of course it is December 23rd. There were no doctors in the office. The u/s tech obviously hasn't been completely trained in freaks like me. Even the nurse that went over my u/s afterward had no clue really what this meant. I tried to convey to her that this was bad, but could really only say so much because I probably would have just fell to the floor in the fetal position and started crying. The nurse made an appointment for me to come back next Wednesday for another u/s and said my RE will be there then.
DH wasn't there for all of this. He had a meeting. I emailed a friend on my phone from the office because I thought I was going to lose it. I couldn't even get a hold of DH until late tonight. It was all quite lonely. Oh, and google (which I knew I shouldn't even ask but couldn't help asking) said my rudimentary horn was going to rupture and I would bleed to death.
It took me an hour to get home and as soon as I walked in the door the nurse called. She said she spoke to my RE and he wants me to come in first thing Monday morning. (Maybe he thinks I will be dead by Wednesday.) I posted on the Mullarian Anomalies board and the Unicornuate Uterus board to see if anyone could shed some light on the situation. So far, this is apparently rare enough that no one on there has experienced it. I don't really have a clue what the next step is. I just get to sit around being pregnant and pretending this is the best Christmas ever until Monday. Needless to say, the bibs that I wrapped up to tell our families are no longer under the tree. I hid them in a corner in the attic.
DH kind of pissed me off about all this. He had a bad day today, but seriously, could it have been worse than mine? I mean, I guess it could have been but it certainly wasn't. He said that it sucks, but this is far better than me being pregnant with multiples. WTF?? How is this better?? He and I aren't in total agreement about selective reduction and one of my big fears was that we would have to make that decision. But at least it would have been a decision. At least chances were high if we chose to reduce, I would still be pregnant. Instead we get no choice and the only thing I will have to show for it is this ultrasound photo of a tiny little sac that I can't even bear to look at.
I told my BFF and she has been great. Thanks for all the emails and truly, nothing you said came across the wrong way. And because I know you are going to read this, I did tell that glob of cells WTF like you asked me too. I even gave it hand gestures to go along with your words. My other friend C that knew I got pregnant now knows about this too. I haven't told J yet. I emailed my brother to let him know that things weren't going to work out and I have decided not to tell my parents so he shouldn't mention it either, not that I thought he would.
I ended up telling my friend tonight who is blind and going blinder. I wasn't going to say anything to him about any of this. He and I both have rare conditions, even though his obviously has nothing to do with his uterus. It is nice to have a buddy that is a freak of nature like me, and even though he can't understand my problems directly, indirectly he gets how much it sucks to be broken. I am feeling far better about this now. Not good of course, but far better. I did get pregnant. I thought that was something that would never happen. Maybe it will never happen again but there is hope that when this chapter is over and we are ready to move forward, it could happen again. I am still pissed off that I can't even be one of those people that gets pregnant and loses a baby in the normal totally sucky way. I have to be one that has to take a million steps between those points A and B. So, I got the baby in my belly that I have always wanted. Now I have to kill it before it kills me. Merry Christmas.
Labels: pregnancy in rudimentary horn, rudimentary horn, unicornuate uterus
posted by AM | 5:38 PM
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