26w, 4d

Busy with baby stuff the past two days. Yesterday I had an appointment with MFM. It was the most worthless appointment I have ever had. I'm up 4lbs in the past two weeks, putting me at +25lbs total. Finally getting to a good weight for twin babies. My blood pressure was good. My aim at peeing in a cup sucked. The doctor (someone I hadn't seen before) asked if I had any questions. I asked a couple things. She seemed highly unconcerned. There was basically no exam. There was no wheeling in of the u/s machine to check heartbeats. Instead she just checked with the doppler, saying that at this point the babies are big enough that is should be easy to find both. Baby A clocked in at 135 bpm, which is the lowest it has ever been. Baby B clocked in at 148 bpm, which is the highest it has been since the babies were just little specs. This is the first time the heartrates weren't within 2-3 beats of each other. She measured my belly, pretty much just for shits and giggles (although she used some other phrase and didn't say "shits and giggles"). I am measuring 29 weeks. She said that from here on out I will start growing a lot faster than a mom with a singleton.

I asked if it would be possible for me to get a tour sometime of the NICU at the hospital. Then I suddenly realized, I might not be able to handle it. I teared up just asking the question. Then again I had tears in my eyes while the lady that does the scheduling was making phone calls to figure things out. Just the thought of seeing all those teeny tiny babies hooked up to machines and knowing that there is a big chance that my two teeny tiny babies have a huge chance of being in there. I cried the whole way home. Like, I want to see. I want to be familiar with the place so I can just be in shock of MY kids being in there and not be in shock of the whole NICU. I just don't know if I can bring myself to go through with the tour. As of now, it is scheduled for the Monday after Thanksgiving when I will be at the hospital anyway for my next appointment, unless something big is going on in the NICU and they aren't able to fit me. I am feeling better today about the visit. It is just that I know how fortunate I am in life. I have made some really really bad decisions and have had some really crappy things happen to me, but at the same time, things still seem to have turned out great. I've been lucky more times than I can count. We've gone through the adoption process twice and each time it was hell, yet still nearly flawless as far as adoptions go. I got screwed over in life with this UU, but here I am pregnant with twins at 26 weeks and I haven't experienced half the problems that other women with UUs have experienced or half the problems other moms expecting twins have experienced. I just keep waiting for my luck to run out, to be that mom with tiny little twins in the NICU, holding my breath every day that they will just make it to the next day.

Today DH and I took the tour of the maternity area of the hospital. One of the first places we were shown was where the NICU was located. I stood there just outside the doors of all those tiny, sick babies, and I was okay with it. There were a lot of things on the tour that weren't all that helpful. I already knew where triage was. Been there. Done that. Already knew all about how to register when you come in to be sent to triage. We got to check out a labor/delivery/recovery room. Not sure how helpful that was since we were also told that twin mommas deliver in the OR even if they are having a vaginal birth. Plus half of the stuff the guide told us I just kept thinking, yeah it all sounds great if you give birth to ONE HEALTHY baby, but who the hell knows how it will all go down if I am in there with preemie twins. I feel like I am nice and prepared for a normal pregnancy and birth, but those are things I will never get to experience.