Is there any chance you could be pregnant?
I was having an emotionally strong day today after my meltdown a couple days ago. It was a good thing too since the most frequently asked question today was, "Is there any chance you could be pregnant?" I think I might have hurt someone if just one person asked me that question two days ago.
Tuesday night I was hanging out after a very acidic dinner and suddenly got really awful heartburn. I downed a bunch of Tums and went to bed. My chest hurt but mainly my one side hurt and breathing was incredibly painful. As the day went on yesterday, the pain in my lower right rib cage kept getting worse and worse. Moving certain directions hurt. Breathing in too deeply was like someone was stabbing me with a million knives between the ribs. I frequently would wince or just grunt or yell randomly when I breathed in too deep. I was with my mom a good bit of yesterday and she kept telling me that she would watch the kids and I could go to the urgent care clinic in town. It was a busy day though so I pushed on.
This morning DH didn't get up to go to work. I was like, wtf? He decided to pretend to be sick from work so I could call my dr to find out if they wanted to see me because he doesn't want me to be sick anymore and I was obviously in pain. Fine. I was kinda ticked at him. Not really, just mostly ticked because I was not feeling well and I just want to get on with my life and not be sick or unable to do my normal things I like/need to do. And ticked that DH once again had to rearrange his life for me.
I called my RE and the nurse said it sounded more muscular, like I have been sitting in the same position too much. That is what I thought too. She said she would talk to my RE and get back to me. She called back a few minutes later and said my RE wanted me to go to the ER to get checked out just in case it was something else, like a blood clot in my lung. I bargained with her and she said I could go to the urgent care clinic instead since it was cheaper with my insurance and they have an x-ray machine there. DH took over kid duty and I headed off to the urgent care clinic.
I paid my $35 copay. I waited about 5 minutes and went back. I did my best to avoid explaining my surgery in detail. The doctor came in who was pretty decent looking and personable. He asked me about my surgery and I said, "It's complicated. You don't happen to know what a unicornuate uterus is, do you?" He laughed and said, "No, which is why I work at [an urgent care clinic]." It was rather funny. Long story short, he checked my belly and said my incisions looked great. He had me give a urine sample to check for blood which would indicated gall stones. I told him there would be blood since I was having my period. There was. He figured I probably had pleurisy. He asked me if there was any chance I could be pregnant. I had a chest x-ray done, and the tech there asked me if there was any chance I could be pregnant. Then the doctor came back with bad news, because when it comes to my health lately that is usually how it goes. There was no indication of pleurisy. Normally he would have just sent me on my way but since I just had surgery, there is concern about blood clots in the lungs. I would need a C/T scan for that and would have to go to ER for that. Dammit! So much for saving time and money by going to the urgent care clinic. Now I had to pay two copays.
One advantage to living in a smallish town is I live close to everything. I was about 5 minutes from home so I stopped at home and got my book I have been reading and a snack. Then I drove the 10 minutes to the hospital. I got there around 10:30. Then I waited. And waited. And waited some more.
I finally got called back and waited. A nurse came in and asked some questions, like was there any chance I could be pregnant. Someone took blood and put and IV in me, right in my elbow pit so I couldn't really use my one arm. I had to give a urine sample again which ended up being difficult to manage the cleansing wipe and the cup and my pants while I couldn't really bend one arm.
I waited some more. I considered calling my mom to see if she was bored and wanted to come sit with me. I decided not to because it was sooooo boring that I figured I didn't want to punish her by having to endure it. At least they have TV's in the room. My phone wasn't fully charged to start the day and I spent so much time emailing people and messing around on facebook that my battery was getting low. I looked at the clock at one point and couldn't believe it was 2:30. A doctor came in for about 2 minutes. He wore too much cologne. I told him I just had surgery on my abdomen. He never even visually inspected my abdomen but just started pushing on it, right on my bruised up incision. I yelled "ouch" twice during that but it never fazed him. Meany. All in all, three different nurses came in and every one of them asked me if there was any chance I could be pregnant. Around 3 a nurse came in and said they needed to finish the blood work to make sure my kidney function was good so they could inject a dye during the C/T scan. Unfortunately it was going to take a little longer because their computers were down. Of course they were. Someone gave me some IV pain meds at some point but I never felt them. All the narcotics I have on my bathroom counter are way better than whatever stuff they gave me.
A little after 4:00 someone finally came to get me to take me for my C/T scan. The guy that was doing the C/T scan was all kinds of yummy... and mentioned his wife. Not that I am not happily married but it kinda ruined my fantasy. Plus, I know he was totally checking me out in my sexy sweat pants and hospital gown. I was looking fine. The scan guy asked me if there was any chance I could be pregnant and this time I even had to sign something saying that I really said that I couldn't be pregnant. C/T scan guy said they had to inject an iodine dye into me during the scan. They would do it quickly and it would make me feel really hot and like I was going to the bathroom, but no fears I would not actually be going to the bathroom. Sounds fun! They did some scans without the dye first. I laid on this moving table that went through this giant ring. At one point these lights started turning on. Green, then yellow, then orange, then red. There was this loud alarm sounding thing and this mechanical voice yelled at me, "DO NOT BREATHE!!" I thought a bomb might go off if I didn't listen to the warning! Then the voice said calmly, "You may now breathe regularly." Maybe the day had just gotten really long at that point. Maybe I was delirious from hunger since I hadn't had anything but a granola bar to eat since breakfast. I started cracking up though. Totally hot C/T scan guy came back and said he was going to inject the dye. He tested it out a bit since I had told him before that I had an allergic reaction to a dye injected during an MRI. Then he started the real injection and made a run for it so he could do the scan. I started getting really warm. Then the peeing yourself feeling came on. Only it really didn't feel like that. It was more like my clitoris was all hot. It was almost erotic. That could have been because a really hot dr just did that to me or the fact that I haven't gotten any sex for a couple weeks now though. It made me laugh though. Dr. Yummy came back and asked me if it felt like I peed myself. I said it did and kind of laughed. Then he wheeled me out to wait for someone to take me back to the ER. I waited and waited.
By the time I got back to ER the dr had already checked out my scan and gave me the all clear. I got to my ER room and the nurse followed in behind me and said she had my discharge papers and a prescription for vicodin. Yay! More narcotics to add to my collection! My diagnosis was pleurisy although I am still betting on muscle spasms from sitting in the same position all the time. I finally walked out of that place at 5:00, 6.5 hours after I arrived. Ridiculous.
My discharge papers are really funny though. They list all these instructions and things I should and shouldn't do based on my diagnosis. One thing it says is, "Do not drink and drive while on vicodin." Apparently it is okay for me to drink and drive when I am not on vicodin. Then after all this medical advice from medical professionals it says, "The [hospital] assumes no liability for the information contained herein or for any adverse effects that may arise, directly or indirectly, from the use of the information. Always consult a physician for proper diagnosis and treatment of any medical conditions." So they just gave me a whole bunch of instructions but they aren't liable for them... And better yet, I am supposed to consult a physician for a proper diagnosis? Wasn't the whole reason I was at the hospital in the first place to see a physician for a proper diagnosis??
In the end, good news. I don't have a blood clot in my lung. I'm planning on holding on to that news for a while. It was about my health and it was good. Maybe I am on the upswing now. It just all seems so ridiculous. Most people decide to have a baby, have sex, and end up with a baby. Not me. I have sex that never leads to a baby, decide to actually try to have a baby, end up with a whole bunch of tests and a surgery, shoot myself up with lots of drugs and let people take by blood on a daily basis, have some woman I just met inject sperm into me through a tube, get pregnant in the totally wrong place, have surgery to remove little Emily the Embryo, end up in the ER making time pass by checking out guys who give C/T scans. C'est la vie!
Tuesday night I was hanging out after a very acidic dinner and suddenly got really awful heartburn. I downed a bunch of Tums and went to bed. My chest hurt but mainly my one side hurt and breathing was incredibly painful. As the day went on yesterday, the pain in my lower right rib cage kept getting worse and worse. Moving certain directions hurt. Breathing in too deeply was like someone was stabbing me with a million knives between the ribs. I frequently would wince or just grunt or yell randomly when I breathed in too deep. I was with my mom a good bit of yesterday and she kept telling me that she would watch the kids and I could go to the urgent care clinic in town. It was a busy day though so I pushed on.
This morning DH didn't get up to go to work. I was like, wtf? He decided to pretend to be sick from work so I could call my dr to find out if they wanted to see me because he doesn't want me to be sick anymore and I was obviously in pain. Fine. I was kinda ticked at him. Not really, just mostly ticked because I was not feeling well and I just want to get on with my life and not be sick or unable to do my normal things I like/need to do. And ticked that DH once again had to rearrange his life for me.
I called my RE and the nurse said it sounded more muscular, like I have been sitting in the same position too much. That is what I thought too. She said she would talk to my RE and get back to me. She called back a few minutes later and said my RE wanted me to go to the ER to get checked out just in case it was something else, like a blood clot in my lung. I bargained with her and she said I could go to the urgent care clinic instead since it was cheaper with my insurance and they have an x-ray machine there. DH took over kid duty and I headed off to the urgent care clinic.
I paid my $35 copay. I waited about 5 minutes and went back. I did my best to avoid explaining my surgery in detail. The doctor came in who was pretty decent looking and personable. He asked me about my surgery and I said, "It's complicated. You don't happen to know what a unicornuate uterus is, do you?" He laughed and said, "No, which is why I work at [an urgent care clinic]." It was rather funny. Long story short, he checked my belly and said my incisions looked great. He had me give a urine sample to check for blood which would indicated gall stones. I told him there would be blood since I was having my period. There was. He figured I probably had pleurisy. He asked me if there was any chance I could be pregnant. I had a chest x-ray done, and the tech there asked me if there was any chance I could be pregnant. Then the doctor came back with bad news, because when it comes to my health lately that is usually how it goes. There was no indication of pleurisy. Normally he would have just sent me on my way but since I just had surgery, there is concern about blood clots in the lungs. I would need a C/T scan for that and would have to go to ER for that. Dammit! So much for saving time and money by going to the urgent care clinic. Now I had to pay two copays.
One advantage to living in a smallish town is I live close to everything. I was about 5 minutes from home so I stopped at home and got my book I have been reading and a snack. Then I drove the 10 minutes to the hospital. I got there around 10:30. Then I waited. And waited. And waited some more.
I finally got called back and waited. A nurse came in and asked some questions, like was there any chance I could be pregnant. Someone took blood and put and IV in me, right in my elbow pit so I couldn't really use my one arm. I had to give a urine sample again which ended up being difficult to manage the cleansing wipe and the cup and my pants while I couldn't really bend one arm.
I waited some more. I considered calling my mom to see if she was bored and wanted to come sit with me. I decided not to because it was sooooo boring that I figured I didn't want to punish her by having to endure it. At least they have TV's in the room. My phone wasn't fully charged to start the day and I spent so much time emailing people and messing around on facebook that my battery was getting low. I looked at the clock at one point and couldn't believe it was 2:30. A doctor came in for about 2 minutes. He wore too much cologne. I told him I just had surgery on my abdomen. He never even visually inspected my abdomen but just started pushing on it, right on my bruised up incision. I yelled "ouch" twice during that but it never fazed him. Meany. All in all, three different nurses came in and every one of them asked me if there was any chance I could be pregnant. Around 3 a nurse came in and said they needed to finish the blood work to make sure my kidney function was good so they could inject a dye during the C/T scan. Unfortunately it was going to take a little longer because their computers were down. Of course they were. Someone gave me some IV pain meds at some point but I never felt them. All the narcotics I have on my bathroom counter are way better than whatever stuff they gave me.
A little after 4:00 someone finally came to get me to take me for my C/T scan. The guy that was doing the C/T scan was all kinds of yummy... and mentioned his wife. Not that I am not happily married but it kinda ruined my fantasy. Plus, I know he was totally checking me out in my sexy sweat pants and hospital gown. I was looking fine. The scan guy asked me if there was any chance I could be pregnant and this time I even had to sign something saying that I really said that I couldn't be pregnant. C/T scan guy said they had to inject an iodine dye into me during the scan. They would do it quickly and it would make me feel really hot and like I was going to the bathroom, but no fears I would not actually be going to the bathroom. Sounds fun! They did some scans without the dye first. I laid on this moving table that went through this giant ring. At one point these lights started turning on. Green, then yellow, then orange, then red. There was this loud alarm sounding thing and this mechanical voice yelled at me, "DO NOT BREATHE!!" I thought a bomb might go off if I didn't listen to the warning! Then the voice said calmly, "You may now breathe regularly." Maybe the day had just gotten really long at that point. Maybe I was delirious from hunger since I hadn't had anything but a granola bar to eat since breakfast. I started cracking up though. Totally hot C/T scan guy came back and said he was going to inject the dye. He tested it out a bit since I had told him before that I had an allergic reaction to a dye injected during an MRI. Then he started the real injection and made a run for it so he could do the scan. I started getting really warm. Then the peeing yourself feeling came on. Only it really didn't feel like that. It was more like my clitoris was all hot. It was almost erotic. That could have been because a really hot dr just did that to me or the fact that I haven't gotten any sex for a couple weeks now though. It made me laugh though. Dr. Yummy came back and asked me if it felt like I peed myself. I said it did and kind of laughed. Then he wheeled me out to wait for someone to take me back to the ER. I waited and waited.
By the time I got back to ER the dr had already checked out my scan and gave me the all clear. I got to my ER room and the nurse followed in behind me and said she had my discharge papers and a prescription for vicodin. Yay! More narcotics to add to my collection! My diagnosis was pleurisy although I am still betting on muscle spasms from sitting in the same position all the time. I finally walked out of that place at 5:00, 6.5 hours after I arrived. Ridiculous.
My discharge papers are really funny though. They list all these instructions and things I should and shouldn't do based on my diagnosis. One thing it says is, "Do not drink and drive while on vicodin." Apparently it is okay for me to drink and drive when I am not on vicodin. Then after all this medical advice from medical professionals it says, "The [hospital] assumes no liability for the information contained herein or for any adverse effects that may arise, directly or indirectly, from the use of the information. Always consult a physician for proper diagnosis and treatment of any medical conditions." So they just gave me a whole bunch of instructions but they aren't liable for them... And better yet, I am supposed to consult a physician for a proper diagnosis? Wasn't the whole reason I was at the hospital in the first place to see a physician for a proper diagnosis??
In the end, good news. I don't have a blood clot in my lung. I'm planning on holding on to that news for a while. It was about my health and it was good. Maybe I am on the upswing now. It just all seems so ridiculous. Most people decide to have a baby, have sex, and end up with a baby. Not me. I have sex that never leads to a baby, decide to actually try to have a baby, end up with a whole bunch of tests and a surgery, shoot myself up with lots of drugs and let people take by blood on a daily basis, have some woman I just met inject sperm into me through a tube, get pregnant in the totally wrong place, have surgery to remove little Emily the Embryo, end up in the ER making time pass by checking out guys who give C/T scans. C'est la vie!
Labels: C/T Scan, pleurisy, pregnancy in rudimentary horn, rudimentary horn, rudimentary horn removal, unicornuate uterus, UU
posted by AM | 4:24 PM
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