16w, 5d

Haven't written much because I don't really have much to say. I've been a bad pregnant person. I have had some cramping and pain which I am fairly sure is just another UTI and I haven't done anything about it. But, it could be something else. Which could be worse since I haven't done anything about it. It is Sunday now so I guess I will call tomorrow. Then I have to figure out how to fit peeing in a cup into my schedule. I know. I know. My body and these babies should be the top priority. Sad to say, but this lifestyle is getting old. I have spent this entire summer doing nothing but gestating. I am finally starting to get a little energy and I don't want to have to use it to try to fit in peeing in cups.

Life gets hectic this week. Kids start to preschool on Wednesday. Not sure how I am going to handle this. It means two trips every day to the school and back. My mom said she will help out of course, but I am not really sure how that is going to work since I still have to get the kids up and moving in the morning and they are only there for a couple hours before having to head back anyway. Would it be worth it for her to watch one kid while the other one is at school? Not so much really. I am sure it will all work out somehow.

Might be feeling the babies. Might not. I feel something sometimes but it could be gas or just in my head. I am still undecided if it could be babies or not.

Had a dream last night that I went to some sort of surprise party where I walked in and everything was pink because the party was announce that both babies are girls. Hopefully will find out the genders in a couple more weeks.

15w, 6d

It is my due date. Or it was for that one short stint that I managed to get pregnant in my rudimentary horn back in December. I almost forgot that today was the day. I am sure if I hadn't gotten pregnant again today would have been a horrible day instead of a day pretty much like any other. Not that I will ever forget about that poor little embryo that never got a chance to grow, but the pain of that time not so long ago sure has faded. Everything happened so quickly, from finding out I was pregnant until the surgery was done, that I never got a chance to really think of myself as even being pregnant or begin to have hopes and dreams for that baby.

Here I am nearly 16 weeks pregnant and for the first time today I feel like I am actually pregnant. Up until this point I have just felt sick. I felt that maybe my belly was changing shape a bit but still mostly convinced that it was all a result of my giant ovary. Now I really feel that my belly could actually pass for being pregnant and not just fat. I am getting aches and pains in my groin, tailbone, and pelvis (which my dr said are perfectly normal). They are pains that I never felt before and actually FEEL like they are caused by being pregnancy instead of just aches and pains of life. On Saturday I am almost certain I felt a baby move. I have felt all kinds of pinches and twinges that could be my digestive track or babies but I have no idea which, but probably just my digestive track. However on Saturday I was resting on the couch and felt something that certainly felt like a little arm or leg pressing on the inside of my belly. I haven't felt it since but I still feel pregnant.

The only thing I have no clue about this time around is what gender these two little people could be. I am somewhat secretly hoping they are girls just because it would even things out a little around here. But I don't feel any sort of instinctual feeling one way or another. That little embryo that we lost, I nicknamed her Emily the Embryo because I just knew that baby was going to be a girl. Instead it is someone I never got the chance to meet, but without that loss, I also never would have had a chance to grow these two little people in me now.

15w, 5d

I took the plunge and did it. I bought something for these babies! It was a start. I am now the owner of two (used) bouncy/vibrating seats that I paid a grand total of $18 for. It felt really good to get something! Then immediately after I put the seats in my car, I felt like I was going to throw up and/or pass out and didn't feel so great anymore. If nothing else, my two boys had a good time putting stuffed animals in the seats and pretending they were babies that needed to be fed and rocked.

Oh, got a comment I wasn't expecting while I was at the yard sale. The yard sale was given by several moms I know and, thanks to facebook, they all know I'm pregnant with twins. Some man was there, who apparently knows who I am but I suck at remembering people so I don't know who he was, maybe one of the ladies' father. So it was mentioned that I was pregnant with twins and this man asked, "Do twins run in your family?" I tend to be overly honest and tell people stuff that is probably not really appropriate which is why I had to bite my tongue and not say that there are no twins in my family but these were conceived through infertility drugs which explains it. I was good though and just said, "Nope! I get to be the first one of my family to enjoy this experience!"

Then after much lying on the couch, it was off to the cloth diaper orientation. It was a lot of good information but most of it I had read on the internet during all this time I have been spending on the couch lately. I think I did figure out just what kind of diapers I plan on using.

So, I was feeling good about babies yesterday, feeling confident and happy emotionally even though my body was more tired than I think I have ever been in my entire life. Now, not feeling so excited and optimistic. I feel crampy which I am almost certain is gas. But any sort of discomfort down there just sends my head right into a place where all I can think is that this pregnancy isn't going to last. Doesn't help that I accidentally read something about a person with a UU who lost her baby just before viability. I still have a long way to go until I get to 24 weeks which is pretty much the very minimum of viability.

I always thought that I was meant to be a mom. I always figured that I would get pregnant and be a glowing happy pregnant person, loving every second of expecting a child and life as a mom. That so has not happened to me. Of course I never just "got pregnant". And not a bit of this pregnancy thing has had me glowing. Instead I am sick and worried and anxious and just wishing there was some way I could find out now how it is all going to work out. Oh yeah, I LOVE surprises... normally. Good ones of course. I don't want any sort of surprises though at this point but it seems that for the next few months, that is all I'll have.

15w, 3d

Another day down in this pregnancy stuff. Thought maybe the barfing got better yet and then I completely lost my lunch yesterday and my breakfast this morning. I'll still take that over throwing up 10 times a day.

Had an appointment today. First up was an u/s that was mainly to monitor changes in my massive ovary. I can't remember the exact measurement (maybe 14.5 cm across?) but it appears to be decreasing slowly in size. I asked if the tech could check to see if it was possible to determine the gender of these little people. She seemed less than enthusiastic, saying only that she could go over the general area but basically she wasn't going to tell me anything. I totally get that it is still pretty early. I was rather disappointed, not so much that we couldn't determine the gender, but that the tech barely tried. She basically waved the wand over and was like, "Yeah, see, they are kinda stacked up in there and their legs are together, oh and this one has its ankles crossed." The end. She could at least tried to poke them and prod them one little nudge.

The other purpose of the u/s was to check my cervical length,, which was done because I suggested it at my last appointment. The tech was having difficulties so the doctor that was hanging out in the u/s area had to come check it out. My cervix measured at 3.1 cm which is pretty good. I think 3.5 is really what they were looking for but really anything over 2 is good.

Then off to my appointment with MFM. I wasn't overly impressed with the dr that I saw today. I didn't really have much to say or many questions, and he didn't really have much to say either. He said that there was nothing going on now that was indicative that labor was going to start prior to 32 weeks. Yeah, I guess that was nice to hear but I also felt it was a big line of bullshit. Sure there might be nothing NOW that would indicate labor starting early but something could still happen at the drop of a hat without warning and he seemed to be completely overlooking that fact. I brought up that the last two dr's I saw talked about doing another cervical check at 18 weeks. He felt that was unnecessary and another one really didn't need to be done until around 22-24 weeks. Unfortunately for him, I have done way too much reading on this and know that incompetent cervixes typically show dilation between 14-24 weeks. He said he would be happy to schedule me for another cervical measurement around 18 weeks if I really wanted one. I said I did and I have my appointment scheduled for that. At least it was easy to get what I wanted.

I also have my "big" anatomy scan u/s scheduled for Sept 16. No one better be crossing their legs that day. DH should be able to go with me to that appointment. There is a small chance the appointment could change because apparently they have to schedule me for two back to back appointments since each twin will have its own anatomy scan done, thus doubling the time.

Still feeling in denial and rather unconnected to these babies. One of the reasons I was really hoping to learn the genders was so maybe I could start feeling more connected and start thinking more about my son(s) and/or daughter(s) than just "these babies". It is still feeling a lot like the whole adoption process did. Sure I am sick and stuff, but these babies are more of an idea and a dream than actually living things that are here with me. All the through the adoption process all I could do was wait and see what was going to happen and that is pretty much how it is now too. I have seen pictures and people assure me that these babies are really there, but maybe I just have to hold them in my arms first to really believe it.

Busy day tomorrow. Going to a yard sale in the morning that is supposed to have a lot of kid/baby stuff. I am going to do my best to buy something for these babies kicking around in my belly. I haven't been able to bring myself to purchase anything yet. In the afternoon I am off to a cloth diapering orientation to learn all about cloth diapers since that is something I am hoping to do at some point with these these babies.

15w

What an insanely craptastic day. Not really sure how any of it has anything to do with me being pregnant apart from the short stint I spent crying on the couch thinking how completely awful things were with two kids today (and my mom to "help"), so how the hell am I going to do it with four kids???

Was reading Dr. Luke's book When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads and it was discussing how a person is likely to go through the typical stages of grief when hit with the news. So far it seems I have mostly been stuck in "denial". Not even sure I have the energy to write about all the ways I am facing denial about this situation every day. I'll try bullet points:

- started out in the first trimester as I stuck with the whole notion that the vanishing twin thing was a huge possibility and therefore refused to get too attached to the idea of twins because one could just disappear

- haven't purchased a single thing for these babies because who knows if I will make it to a viable stage in my pregnancy (which could either be viewed as denial that I will have two more babies or acceptance as the fact that things could go really wrong). DS1 even saw a totally cute gender neutral outfit yesterday in a newborn size that I had a coupon for and could have gotten for free and I still couldn't bring myself to put it in my cart.

- pretty much refuse to buy maternity clothes thinking that either I won't be pregnant much longer or I will be on bedrest and not really need special clothes. The only maternity clothes I have are ones my mom bought me.

- even though I have seen them on u/s many times, most times I still don't think there are two babies inside me, or even one for that matter

- I have never spent any time just sitting around rubbing my belly and thinking or talking to these babies or really referring to them as anything other than "the babies" to give me any sort of connection to them

- mostly don't even think about having babies in the future and just think about how crappy I feel or other ways that this pregnancy has affected me, me, me

- still convinced that this belly I seem to be getting is really just my normal fat belly that is being pushed out from a giant cyst-covered ovary

- think sometimes that this pregnancy just won't last and other times I think that I am going to be completely "lucky" and these babies are going to be born big and strong with no NICU time whatsoever, but still find myself reading all about NICU babies and micro-preemies

So yeah, I guess I have some serious mental issues.

I am getting a belly, maybe. My mom bought me a pair of maternity shorts in July that were just massive around the waist. Eventually I decided to start wearing them anyway because I thought maybe if I wore maternity clothes, I would at least feel a little pregnant and not just fat. I would just wear them with my Bella Band. The waist was so huge on the shorts that the Bella Band would cause the elastic waist area to bunch up. Two days after this exact situation (waist bunching up under the Bella Band of said shorts) I put on the shorts and they fit perfectly fine around the waist. I had a dream last night that I told someone that my belly was obviously not that big because my boobs still stick out further than my belly, which they do. So yeah, I'm just fat.

I guess that is it for now. I have another u/s on Friday which is mainly to check my giant ovary. I hear there is a possibility that the gender can be determined this early but I don't know how willing the tech will be to check it out for me. I don't want to find out the genders when DH isn't there so maybe if it can be determined I'll have the tech write it down so we can read it later and find out together. Not that I think it really matters. It isn't like I am ready to run out and start buying baby clothes when I am still in complete denial about what could happen in the next few weeks/months.

14w, 2d

I went to a short play yesterday with my kids and my mom. It was an hour long, geared towards kids, and all I did was sit. Then we went out to lunch afterward. You wouldn't think that was a big deal but it all did me. I just can't do things anymore. I spent the night on the couch and just felt so awful and tired all day today. I seriously don't know what I would do without my mom's help, but at the moment I am starting to doubt how much she is really helping out.

I get that she is busy. She has been helping with my kids pretty much every day. On top of that, she helps with my sister's two kids. On Tuesday she had to leave around lunch time to go get my niece from cheer leading practice. That left me to make lunch and entertain my kids alone for a couple hours before their nap. Okay fine. It was hot out and I plopped them down with a movie while I rested on the couch. Then without any warning, she did the same thing today. Just up and left before lunch. I felt like complete ass today. It is so hot it isn't like I can DO anything with my kids. It is too hot for me to take them outside. I can't even come up with the energy to play games or otherwise entertain them. So, back to watching a movie again today. Even when she is watching them, it isn't like I really get to rest like I would like to. I thought I would have a chance to lay on the couch while my mom had the kids downstairs. Then DS1 had to come up to poop and I had to get up to help him wipe. Then back on the couch for a few minutes until I had to pee. Then back o the couch for a few minutes until I had to get up to barf. My mom called me today to let me know that tomorrow she won't have to watch my niece and nephew. Good, a day to finally sit and relax. That was until she let me know that she has lunch plans which means another day of me having to get lunch together for my kids and figuring out some way to distract them enough not to kill each other.

I feel like I just better not say anything either. At this point, it isn't like I am under any sort of medical restrictions that require me to lay on the couch all the time. I am just trying to listen to my body and my body says to lay on the couch and do nothing. Not really in the mood to tick my mom off and get her mad at me and then up really needing her if I am on bed rest.

Speaking of bed and resting... night night.

14w

Made it to 14 weeks, which means my chance of miscarry at this point is extremely low. Somehow I still don't feel anymore confident that this pregnancy is going to result in two living, breathing babies. Maybe I read too much online about women who, with perfectly normal uteruses, lose their babies around 18 weeks. Maybe I would be better off not knowing all that I know about my poor unicornuate uterus. Which, when I think about it, is really not a whole lot. I know about unicornuate uteruses in general and that some are capable of acting completely normal but the vast majority of them do have issues carrying a SINGLE baby to term. But, I don't know anything about my unicornuate uterus. Sometimes I think of myself as a really lucky person. I am not even sure I really believe in luck, and yet I know I have had some. I have done some seriously stupid things in my life, made some of the worst decisions a person could make. Although I do have a few scars, the outcome of some of those horrible decisions somehow turned out perfectly fine. Even through all these years of uterine issues, I have had luck. I never had a miscarriage. I ended up with two wonderful sons. While practically everyone else I spoke to going through the adoption process at the same time we did had to jump through hurdle after hurdle, and disaster after disaster, both our kids came home rather quickly and 100% healthy. Even when I did end up getting pregnant in my rudimentary horn and had that great fiasco, as horrible as it was, it was also even a miracle that something like that could happen! So here's to one more shot at beating the odds.

I started making a good attempt yesterday at trying to eat all the servings of foods from all the different food groups as recommended in When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads. I ate all day long and stuffed myself to the max and still came up substantially short. Today I gave it another go and although I have done better so far, I only have about another hour and a half to attempt to eat more food than I usually eat during the course of an entire day.

I haven't been out much so I haven't really seen my neighbors lately. I ran into the woman who lives on my street. (There are only 2 houses on my street.) I told her that we were expecting twins. I didn't know before, but she said she has an identical twin sister. The next house closest to us houses three children, two of which are twins. Now we are expecting our twins. Three twins in three houses? What are the odds?

14w

Made it to 14 weeks, which means my chance of miscarry at this point is extremely low. Somehow I still don't feel anymore confident that this pregnancy is going to result in two living, breathing babies. Maybe I read too much online about women who, with perfectly normal uteruses, lose their babies around 18 weeks. Maybe I would be better off not knowing all that I know about my poor unicornuate uterus. Which, when I think about it, is really not a whole lot. I know about unicornuate uteruses in general and that some are capable of acting completely normal but the vast majority of them do have issues carrying a SINGLE baby to term. But, I don't know anything about my unicornuate uterus. Sometimes I think of myself as a really lucky person. I am not even sure I really believe in luck, and yet I know I have had some. I have done some seriously stupid things in my life, made some of the worst decisions a person could make. Although I do have a few scars, the outcome of some of those horrible decisions somehow turned out perfectly fine. Even through all these years of uterine issues, I have had luck. I never had a miscarriage. I ended up with two wonderful sons. While practically everyone else I spoke to going through the adoption process at the same time we did had to jump through hurdle after hurdle, and disaster after disaster, both our kids came home rather quickly and 100% healthy. Even when I did end up getting pregnant in my rudimentary horn and had that great fiasco, as horrible as it was, it was also even a miracle that something like that could happen! So here's to one more shot at beating the odds.

I started making a good attempt yesterday at trying to eat all the servings of foods from all the different food groups as recommended in When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads. I ate all day long and stuffed myself to the max and still came up substantially short. Today I gave it another go and although I have done better so far, I only have about another hour and a half to attempt to eat more food than I usually eat during the course of an entire day.

I haven't been out much so I haven't really seen my neighbors lately. I ran into the woman who lives on my street. (There are only 2 houses on my street.) I told her that we were expecting twins. I didn't know before, but she said she has an identical twin sister. The next house closest to us houses three children, two of which are twins. Now we are expecting our twins. Three twins in three houses? What are the odds?

13w, 6d

Had an appointment with MFM on Friday. First up was an u/s. Apart from the long wait, it was a good time. Never thought I would say that about a medical test! Baby A was chillin' and scratching his/her head. Then s/he started sticking out his/her tongue which was totally the cutest thing ever. Hard to believe we could see that tiny detail on a baby that is only the size of a peach. Baby B was much more active this time than s/he was last time. S/he kept flipping from side to side making it nearly impossible for the tech to get a heart rate on him/her. Both of their heart rates dropped from around 160 bpm two weeks ago down to 140 bpm this time around. Both babies measured slightly ahead of schedule as they have been doing. My right ovary increased from 14 to 16 cm across. It is supposed to be shrinking by now but instead it grew about 2 cm in the past two weeks. I was sent on my way with an u/s report in hand to go down to MFM. Of course I read the report along the way. There wasn't really anything interesting on it. It did note that I currently have placenta previa as Baby A's placenta is covering my cervix but since there are no symptoms that this is likely not a problem. My dr at MFM never even mentioned it. From what I remember of others having placenta previa is that the placenta can move out of the way as the pregnancy progressing. Also, since I am already pretty much counting on a c-section, it won't be any surprise if down the line the placenta over my cervix is just one more reason I can't deliver vaginally.

At the MFM office, instead of having a specific dr that treats your throughout the pregnancy, you get rotated around and pretty much see whoever is there on the day of your appointment. So, different dr this time than last time I was in there - a very nice woman. There was no exam or anything, just talking. I had a few questions (and finally got drugs for my UTI) mainly about cervix checks. Just trying to be an advocate for myself, which I am not always that great at being. The dr wants me to come back in 2 weeks to have the ovary checked out just because it is not shrinking yet but did say that the course of action is likely to remain wait and see what happens and essentially do nothing since it is not causing me any problems. Cervix checks will be done at 18, 21, and 24 weeks. I asked if it would make sense to do a baseline cervix check while I am getting my u/s in two weeks. She said that yes, that actually would probably be a good idea. High five to myself for being awesome and advocating for myself successfully! She did say that they like to do baseline cervix checks no earlier than 16 weeks for an accurate reading and I will be just short of that so it could be a little off, but better than nothing. So far my pregnancy weight gain is -1 lbs. I lost 6 lbs back when I was really sick and in the hospital so I guess I am slowing gaining it back. My anatomy scan will be scheduled for sometime when I am around 18 weeks along at which time we want to find out the genders.

Had a very busy weekend, at least busy compared to my normal schedule that involves laying on the couch and showering. Doing my best to rest up today.

Been reading When You're Expecting Twins, Triplet, or Quads by Dr. Luke as recommended to me from various sources. Although I don't like how some of it is written, it is very informative. Much of what I read so far is focused on altering your diet to make the best possible growing environment for multiple pregnancies. The research Dr. Luke has done shows the best way for a woman pregnant with multiples to gain weight is to gain quickly in the beginning. For one reason, gestation of multiples is typically shorter than the normal 40 weeks so you have less time to gain weight. Also, the babies take up more room faster so eating a lot and gaining weight later in the pregnancy is more difficult than with a singleton. Plus, and I found this fascinating, twins, triplets, and quads tend to grow faster and develop more quickly than singletons, likely because they are usually born earlier so the babies are compensating for the potential early arrival to the outside world and needing to survive on their own. (However, multiples also tend to slow their rate of birth much earlier than singletons also contributing to the need for mom to have provide all that extra nourishment early on when they are still growing most rapidly.)

According to my BMI and my weeks gestation, apparently I should gain 18 lbs by tomorrow. Yeah, I lost 1 lb so far. I'm not to worried about it. I am trying to follow some of the guidelines about how many servings of each of the food groups the book suggests because I know my diet hasn't been all that varied. I still have trouble stomaching some foods (for awhile there I couldn't eat a single bite of fruit) but that is getting better so it should be a little easier. That is if I stuff myself and eat constantly to try to fit all this nourishment in.

I've been loosely coming up with a plan for the next few months. Long ago I set some goal weeks that I want to get to. First up was 12 weeks. Managed that. Next up is 14 weeks, so just one more day to go. I am still holding back on purchasing anything we need for these babies just because we still have so long to go until I will feel at all confident that these babies are going to be a long term part of our lives. Once I hit the 24 week point, I will start to feel a little better about that, but that won't be until the middle of October. October is going to be my month to do everything. Christmas shopping will be done. Then the last two weeks of the month will be spent getting what we need for these babies. Come November I want to be able to just have an open schedule to be able to handle whatever comes to us - early babies, bedrest, etc. Still hoping to make it until 2011 with these babies inside and one of my tactics to accomplish that is to be able to do as much resting and relaxing as possible in those last couple months.

13w, 2d

My poor bladder. Seriously, this should not even be worth going into but here I am writing about it because it is just so stupid and annoying. Rewind about 3 weeks ago. I suddenly was feeling way worse than normal. I just stayed in bed all day on Saturday, felt awful but a different kind of awful, and was far more tired than I had been. I thought, hey, maybe I have a UTI since last time I got diagnosed with one (around 6 weeks pregnant) I didn't have the normal painful peeing symptoms but just felt plain old sick. Unfortunately it was Sunday by the time I could call my OB (who I was currently still seeing). They called in a prescription for an antibiotic since it was Sunday and they couldn't really have me tested to see if I actually had one. I thought that was really convenient and awesome and very easily taken care of. Started taking the antibiotic right away and after four doses it was very evident that it was not going to help since I would throw up about 15 minutes after I took it every time. So called back and the OB office called me a different antibiotic. Remember back when I have hives for several days? I figured it was probably from taking so many antibiotics from that first UTI I was diagnosed with. Sure enough, the new antibiotic I was prescribed was the same one that I think gave me hives. Thankfully, other than some itching right after I took the first two doses, all was well.

The OB mailed me a prescription to have my urine tested one week after I finished the antibiotic to see if it all cleared up. I was to go to the medical center in the building where their office is located which also happens to be the same lab that 98% of the people in my town are supposed to go to for any testing they need done. All I had to do was pee in a cup. I waited for 30 minutes to register at which point I was finally able to go pee in a cup. Ridiculous. That was Tuesday and finally today, Thursday, the OB called me back with the results.

I do have a UTI still. (Which was no surprise at this point since I peed every 10 minutes yesterday and today I have been having cramps in my bladder.) However, since I decided to go to MFM and not use my OB, the OB wouldn't call me in a prescription. Instead, they were going to send my pee results to MFM. At least that is what they said they would do this morning. They never sent them. I called MFM twice today to check and MFM called my OB twice today to get the results and still nothing. So, I still have a UTI and no one will treat me for it. Thankfully it is a bearable one or else I'd be heading up to the local clinic to go pee in a cup, get my results five minutes later, and walk out the door with a prescription in hand in less than 30 minutes.

I will be going to MFM tomorrow anyway though. U/S first followed by my second appointment at MFM. Followed by me walking out of there with a prescription for an antibiotic that hopefully doesn't make me throw up constantly and heading straight for the pharmacy.

13w

Woot! 13 weeks down!!

Which means the morning sickness is supposed to end, right? The anti-vomiting strike my body was partaking in ended last night with the reappearance of a glass of water and at least some of my prenatal vitamin. Then another glass of water made a quick reappearance this morning. I managed to make it all day yesterday with no Zofran and no headache. Today I was back on the sauce and popped a Zofran this morning and another 8 hours later. Suffering from killer headaches all day too.

I watched a vaginal birth video on BabyCenter a few minutes ago. Glad to report that my stretched out va-jay-jay has no intentions of being broadcast on the internet ever. Also made me glad that a c-section is likely in our future because that just didn't look fun. Not that having someone slice a giant hole in my belly will be fun but at least I have more experience with that.

My mom suggested I take a Lamaze class (or something of the sort) today. I don't really know what I am going to do. A friend of our family who lives right down the street from me teaches Lamaze. I get that the breathing exercises can be a great relaxation technique for anything, but just don't know if it will be worth our time and money to do it.

Just want to say too, I'm not against a vaginal birth. Before I found out about my UU I thought there was almost no way I would even consider a c-section. But then reality hit. Just got to do what is best for the baby, and in my case, babies. It is highly unlikely that with two of these little things in me and a messed up uterus that everything would align correctly to make a vaginal delivery a really safe option.

Had to go pee in a cup today. (I did awesome! No drips!) The lady at the registration desk had a photo of what appeared to be twins on her desk. I asked. They were her granddaughters. She said she also gave birth to twins. Of course back then they didn't do all these tests that they do now so she didn't even know she was having twins until the second one started to be born. I like having the ability to plan and overthink and worry and hypothesize about these two babies this whole pregnancy.

12w, 5d

Got back my first trimester screening results on Friday. No increased chance of a child with down syndrome.

Been feeling a lot better. Mostly. Haven't thrown up since Wednesday. I should note that all this throwing up that has been going on is when I have been on 8mg of Zofran. (A lot of doctors only prescribe the 4mg stuff.) Been slowly thinking about working my way off the pills as they cause headaches and I have been miserable with headaches lately. I intended to take my normal two doses today (once in the morning, another 8 hours later) but I am pretty sure that I forgot the second dose and have been okay. Otherwise, feeling really crappy today. Haven't really left my couch. Yesterday I felt awesome and maybe did more than I should have.

Sex! Indulged last night for the first time since the first week of June. Poor DH. Just have been too sick in the evening to put out and the evening is pretty much the only opportunity we have. It was rather uncomfortable. Guess the va-jay-jay is out of practice or something. Kinda sore but not exactly... just uncomfortable. Then DH decided he needed to lay on top of me and squish me. I've been over sensitive about things pushing or touching my uterus area so that was not fun at all. Wonder if I can go another two months before putting out again...

Pooping sucks. I never realized how much I enjoyed pooping. Been taking colace daily that some dr along the way prescribed to me. I would hate to even think what my colon would be like if I didn't have that. I was drinking cherry juice which was helping tremendously. However, for the past several weeks anything remotely sweet and/or sour would lead to definite vomiting so the cherry juice was out. I might be able to give that a try again here in a couple weeks. Picked up some fiber supplements which have helped a bit in the past two days. I just miss the days of nature calling and two minutes later I'm off doing whatever it was I was doing.

Began phase 1 (of 6,423) of having new babies in the house. DS2 is still in a crib. Yeah, the kid is 3.5 and still in a crib. He just can't be trusted and we are fortunate enough that he doesn't try to climb out. We converted the crib to a toddler bed months ago and gave it a try and, well, yeah, that didn't work out. Since then the crib has been turned so that the open side is pushed against the wall. We pretty much gutted his room yesterday and it is currently as child safe as humanly possible. (Closet door has two forms of locks on it, nothing but some books and soft toys, outlets are covered with solid plastic plates because we can't even trust him with the best of the outlet covers.) We've let him nap the past two days with his bed pulled away from the wall so he could climb in and out. Don't think he has left his bed yet. We will see how this goes and eventually get him out of the crib completely and into the real toddler bed we have, making the crib available for a baby. (We have a second crib as well. Guess that is one advantage of having two kids that are so close in age - already have two of a lot of things.) The big challenge will come when it is time to attempt to get both of my boys to share a room. A little concerned that DS1 will feel intruded upon. Mostly concerned that DS2, who sleeps far less than DS1, will keep DS1 up. Would like to get both kids settled into one room prior to babies coming home so that no one feels like they are being pushed out.

Began struggling with the fact that we still have a way to go... but do we? I HATE to wait until the last minute to do thing and notoriously prepare WAY ahead of time. But, can't really do that in this situation. Still have it in my mind every minute of every day that this could all end with no babies. That makes me hesitate to get excited at times, but most certainly keeps me from doing anything. At least not anything permanent. I ordered two books about twins online and as soon as I confirmed my purchase, I wondered if it was worth the money I spent on the books. Am I going to need them? Friends of mine are having a big joint yard sale in two weeks and I can't wait to go look for bargains... but should I really buy anything? I keep telling myself to wait until 24 weeks, which is minimum viability, but the over planner in me is freaking out because that could leave me with no time whatsoever to prepare. What if they are super early? What if I go on bedrest and can't shop for anything that we will need? What if they are born and still don't make it and I already bought a bunch of stuff?

I wonder if there is ever going to come a time when I can enjoy this all.