Cycle 4, CD 6

Game on! Another whirlwind day (that isn't over yet) all caused by my dysfunctional uterus. Even did my best to run another car off the road again this morning just to make it as much like my last appointment day as possible. Whole family went once again to my RE this morning so I could have my bloodwork and u/s.

Had my favorite u/s tech today. As usual, I mentioned my UU which led to me saying that I had the horn removed after getting pregnant in there. Funny how easy that was to just bring up nonchalantly. I don't really feel at this point that any of that ever happened to me. It is just something I say, not something I am effected by. If that makes any sense. Ms. Fantastic U/S Tech couldn't find my left (tubeless) ovary. Eventually she located it "way out there". Based on the angle most of the u/s techs use to check out that ovary, I have kinda suspected it was way out there. It is a pretty common thing to have ovaries in bizarre location with a UU.

My favorite nurse called this afternoon with the results and next step. E2 is at 265 (should be at 200-600 per mature follicle) so this is good for day 6. Progesterone is at 0.3 (anything over 5 usually indicates ovulation but doctors usually look for >15 for medicated cycles). My lining is 7mm. No one ever mentioned my lining before. Nurse said that at time of insemination they like to see something around 8-11mm so 7 is just fine for this point in my cycle. Continuing on 150 ius of gonal-f and I go back Saturday for bloodwork and u/s.

As for the ovaries, looking good. I have a 10 on both ovaries. The right (good) ovary has 15 follicles that are less than 10 and the left (tubeless) ovary has 12-14 follicles less than 10. I think this is the first time that Mr. Righty has ever been in the lead!! This makes me far more positive than I want to be. Yeah yeah, I know I am supposed to be thinking positive. It is just in my nature to try not to get my hopes up too high because than it just hurts way more if you are let down. Damn these soaring high hopes.

I'm hoping it is just the drugs, but I sure have been feeling quite bitchy toward DH lately. I know part of it is the stress of doing all this, a stress that I feel is completely on my shoulders and he hasn't really been doing his part to ease that. Add in the fact that he starts a new job next week just in time for him to likely have to go in to do his part in all of this. I talked with my favorite nurse a bit this afternoon about what time he will be able to come in to produce his specimen. (I giggle every time I think about men doing this.) She said that they will do everything they can to schedule around his schedule. Appointments start at 6:30. Patients involved in IVF have first priority though. DH said he really needs to have an appointment at 7 or earlier. Keeping fingers crossed...

Cycle 2, CD 11

Change of plans. Went in yesterday morning for blood work and u/s. I figured it was trouble when the u/s tech, who normally are not really supposed to say much of anything, looked at the right ovary and when she switched to the left commented that my left (useless) ovary was sure hard at work. The nurse called with the news. My E2 yesterday was 773. The good news was that I have 6 eggs that will potentially be mature in the next couple days. The bad news is that 5 of those eggs are in the left (useless) ovary. (My right ovary had one 14mm egg yesterday, while the left had one 15mm, two 13mm, one 12mm, and one 11mm.) I was instructed to take 150 iu of gonal-f again last night and come in again for bloodwork again this morning. The plan was to do the trigger shot tonight and then go in on Tuesday morning for our IUI. After talking to DH, we decided that it kind of seems like this cycle would be a waste. Sure that 14mm egg is a nice size and it only takes one egg, but only one egg doesn't really make our chances that great. I called the nurse back and we decided to just switch this cycle to doing timed intercourse.

DH and I went skiing all evening yesterday. I think I kind of freaked him out by whipping my gonal-f out of my ski coat and shooting up in the middle of the ski lodge. Eh, whatever. I don't even think anyone noticed. Figured DH and I better try to hit the slopes after all this snow that we have been having. Plus, if I do get knocked up, skiing will be out for a bit. Skiing was incredible, btw.

Back in this morning for more blood work and more comments from the nurses about how grossly bruised my veins are. I've been self medicating with baby aspirin to increase the blood flow to my half a uterus so that could be part of the reason for the bruising. My E2 today is 1058. My progesterone is 2.4 (which means I have not ovulated). The nurse went over the plan for our timed intercourse. I am supposed to give myself the HCG trigger shot tonight between 7-9pm. DH and I are supposed to have sex tonight, tomorrow, and Tuesday morning.

DH and I are not following the plan. It just isn't doable. DH suffers from some side effects from anxiety meds and sex three times in the next 36 hours just isn't doable for him. Not really sure how it would even be doable period, not with two kids in the house. The only way we could have Tuesday morning sex would be to get up at 5am just to do it, and seriously, that just isn't going to happen. I'm rather concerned over whether the sex will even happen once. DH has a bit of an issue finishing from intercourse at times, particularly under pressure. So most likely, this cycle will all be for nothing. Lots of me taking tons of drugs and driving to the city and getting the kids up at insane hours and bruised veins. DH has one job to do and I can't say I have much confidence in him doing his part. Then I surely will be all pissed off at him. Doesn't help that I am really overly tired which makes me bitter and depressed so I am pointing fingers when I know I shouldn't. Just ignore these past couple sentences.

So, our plan. Tonight we are going to have sex (if I can keep my eyes open). Tomorrow morning around 9:15am I'll do the trigger shot. I should ovulate 36 hours later, so should ovulate Tuesday evening around 9:15. So we are going to have sex again Tuesday evening around 9ish (so don't call me then, I'll be busy). Hypothetically, the spermies from sex tonight could live until Tuesday night and then hopefully sex on Tuesday will result in the money shot.

There is still some hope for this cycle, but... there are a lot of ifs. Having sex never got us any closer to having a baby in the past. I do have that one nice looking follicle on the good side. And although rare, there is a chance that my one fallopian tube could pick up an egg released by my left (useless) ovary. (Yes, that is a rare occurrence, but so is sperm swimming out of my UU, across my abdominal cavity, down my other tube, and me getting pregnant in my rudimentary horn, and that happened.)

Not totally sure how this is all going to work out with payment of this cycle. We paid ahead for three IUI cycles with ARC. I asked them about this situation when I signed up and the woman on the phone said that I could stop payment for a cycle and pay out of pocket for the services but she also seemed a little unsure of her answer. What we would like to do is just pay out of pocket for the bloodwork and u/s that we had this cycle and that way this cycle won't count towards the IUI cycles we prepaid for through ARC. Of course it is Sunday and ARC isn't open. They won't even be open until 10:15 tomorrow (an hour after I plan to give myself the HCG shot). The woman who handles the billing for my RE won't be in until tomorrow either.

Here's to all the pieces of this great big puzzle falling into place.

Cycle 2, CD 8

I had a crappy day. I am grumpy. This is going to be a grumpy post. If you can't handle that, then go read a blog written by someone who didn't have a crappy day.

Had to have blood work and an u/s today. This meant DH had to go with me to watch the kids since I don't really know how I could manage to 3 year olds while having some woman stuck the dildo cam in me. No snow storm today, just freezing rain. My 45 minute ride to my RE took us an hour and 45 minutes. I was not at all pleased with this since I needed to get DH to work after the appointment and DS1 to school. DS1 has had school canceled for a week and a half now and was finally going to get a break from his brother and have his Valentine's Day party. Got to my RE and went right back for my b/w. The nurse took one look at my right arm (the arm that the nurse in training did and didn't apply pressure and almost caused me to bleed to death) and commented how I was looking rather beat up. I told her, "You should see the other side!" That mega bruise I have really hurts. Last cycle my veins ended up a little discolored, but they didn't hurt. After the blood work I was informed that instead of the normal 3 or more u/s techs they usually have, they only had one that day and there would be a bit of a wait until my u/s. I thought about crying. I just wanted to get everything over with so I could everyone else in my family off to where they needed to be. Stupid uterus messing up life for everyone around me yet again. I finally got called back for my u/s at 9:30. My appointment was at 7:45. DS1 school starts at 9:30. Thankfully the staff was doing everything they could to make the issue of lack of u/s techs go as smoothly as possible. I was only with the u/s tech about 5 minutes, and most of that was telling her that I have a UU and had my left rudimentary horn removed as well as the tube. Then off to deliver people.

Got DH to work. I thought it was probably pointless to take DS1 to school since he would only be there an hour but he really wanted to go so I took him. When I got home I attempted to play with my dog since she had been ignored all morning. She was so excited that I was finally hers and hers alone that she walked over, squatted on me, and peed all over me. WTF??? No play time for her. She hid behind the couch, peeking at me with those sad puppy dog eyes until I decided to forgive her. Then off to pick up DS1 at school. Seriously starting to wonder why most infertile people aren't suicidal. Still have to head out again this evening to pick DH up from work since he didn't drive. No clue how I am going to fit feeding my family dinner into the schedule.

For the second time this week, a mom friend of mine (who doesn't know we are doing infertility treatments) asked me if I was thinking about having any more kids. I said we would like to add another one to our family but just don't know when. I am thinking nine months from now wouldn't be a bad time... At this point that is mainly because I am really sick of dealing with this crap and most certainly don't even want to think about dealing with all the bullshit that goes along with adoption.

Got my results from the RE. My E2 is now 228. On my right (good) ovary I have 1 follicle at 10 and 8-9 others that are measuring less than 10. On my left (useless) ovary I have one follicle at 12 and three that are measuring at 10. Still early but I guess the good news is that I have a bunch of potential follicles on the good side. The bad news is that all the follicles that are looking most hopeful to mature are on the useless side. My gonal-F dose is being upped to 150 for the next two nights and then I go back in on Saturday for another u/s and also blood work. At least that time I get to go by myself and don't need to try to get anyone else any place else afterward.

I told my mom today that it looks like I will have to go in next week some time to have some tests done on my hormones (Oh the lies...) so I will probably need her to watch the kids some morning. I explained that I wouldn't know the exact day until a couple days before because it depends on my cycle. I am keeping my fingers crossed that it isn't on a day when DS1 has school again. We are also supposed to get a significant snowfall again early next week (since the almost 3 feet we have now apparently isn't enough). Mother Nature better not interfere with my own personal Mother Nature.

Cycle 2, CD 6

Got up bright and early and packed the kids into the car to make it to the city for my 7:45 blood work appointment... in the middle of a snow storm. It took us twice as long to get there as it should have so I didn't get there until 8:15. Oops. The blood work lady was teaching someone how to take blood. Great. Just what I needed. I already had nearly been stabbed to death when I was there on Saturday. Not kidding. Check this out.


I was fully expecting a lot of pain from getting blood drawn today. Nope, went pretty smooth. Except for the fact that it was fully evident that the lady holding a needle in my vein had no idea what she was doing. After the blood work I took the kids to the bathroom and my arm felt funny. The lady kinda forgot that she was supposed to put the bandage on with pressure and just loosely taped me up. There was blood pouring down my arm and a big bump where the blood had pooled under my skin. Now it looks like this.


So apart from the war wounds, everything is fine. Yes, I did give myself an injection in the parking lot of an ice cream shot the other night. Injections are fine. Continuing with those. My E2 level today was 101. I have to go back in on Thursday for blood work and an u/s. Hopefully DH will be able to go with me and watch the kids while I have the u/s. Then I'll have to take him to work and get DS1 to preschool... if it isn't canceled like it was today and all week last week due to insane amounts of snow.

And not that this has anything to do with my uterus or infertility, but I managed to get myself stuck in a giant snow mound at a friend's house today and her husband had to dig me out. Just the kind of day I am having - stupid snow and giant bruised elbow pits.

Cycle 1, CD 10

Won't they just cancel my cycle already? I am tired. In the past 7 days, I have had to go to my RE's 5 times. Headed there tomorrow too. I have absolutely no hope that my right ovary is going to step up to the game. I really don't even think my RE thinks there is hope for Mrs. Righty, but keeps me coming just to see what my body does for future reference. I know that should be a good thing, but I am tired.

Went off to the city this morning to have b/w and an u/s. There was a place in my college town where you could sell your plasma (the watery part of your blood, not including your cells). Because it was just plasma, you could go like 3 times a week. Several of my friends made their income during college selling plasma. I did not because I always felt really sick or passed out every time I needed to have even a little blood drawn. My friends used to show off their track marks on their arms from having needles stuck in them all the time. I never had track marks. Until now. Now I am running out of veins that aren't bruised. No clue where they are going to stick me tomorrow since both arms are black and blue and sore.

My E2 is up to 978. Progesterone is 1.5. (A progesterone level over 15 during a medicated cycle will indicate that I have ovulated.) The nurse was speaking really fast but I think she said that my right ovary has a follicle measuring 12mm, two follicles measuring 11mm, and two follicles measuring 10mm. (They need to be 18mm to be mature.) She said something about my left ovary, maybe just that there was activity there too but that ovary doesn't really matter.

My plan for the evening was to "coast". Basically, I do nothing. No injections of gonal-f. I just hang out. Tomorrow I have to go back in for more b/w... if they can find a place to stick me. At this point I am just hoping I ovulate on my own soon... like today would be good. I don't have any hope that my right ovary is going to step it up. I just feel like this is all being drug out. I'm done with this driving and needles and being so tired (which is probably because I don't have any blood left) and feeling like I don't get to hang out with my family because I am always at the doctor. I knew how much time this would all involve but there was really no way of knowing how spending all that time in the car and at the RE was going to affect me until I did it. It makes me tired. Maybe we should have done this all before we moved. Just over a year ago we were living 10 miles from my RE. Now we are 35 miles away. Did I mention I'm tired?

Cycle 1, CD 9

I had a big temp dip this morning. I usually ovulate on the day of my big temp dip. If that is the case, I ovulated early and the cycle is a bust. Guess I will know tomorrow.

Was up and off to the city this morning for b/w. It started snowing shortly before I left so I took off early. The roads were fine so I was really early. Got a call around 2:00 this afternoon. My E2 is now at 656. Apparently my higher dose of gonal-f is doing it's thing since just two days ago it was 186. Same dose of gonal-f tonight (150 iu) and back to the RE tomorrow morning for b/w and u/s.

Since spending an hour and a half in a car this morning to and from the RE wasn't enough, went to the IL's. That was another 4 hours in the car. I had to secretly give myself the gonal-f in the bathroom there. Don't mind me. Just shooting up in the IL's bathroom!

Felt fine today but Wednesday and some of Thursday I was feeling REALLY bloated. Could have just been me being bloated but I am thinking it had something to do with the infertility drugs. Been having tons of watery CM, so much that it was bothering me today and I put on a panty liner. I'd go on more about the effects these drugs are having on me but I spent 5.5 hours driving today and have to get up early tomorrow to spend another 1.5 hours getting to the RE and back. Maybe another time.

Cycle 1, CD 6

I had to go back in today for more b/w and u/s. I was really stressing out about how I was going to be able to have a trans vaginal u/s while a 3 year old and an almost 3 year old were basically unsupervised in a dark room with lots of things they could break. I came up with a plan. I somehow forgot that DH works about 10 minutes from my RE's office. I was up at 5:00 this morning. DH was such a sport and was up then too, going along with my plan. We got the kids out of bed and into the car around 5:45 and headed to the city for my 7:00 appointment. We got there around 6:40. DH dealt with getting the kids' shoes on (they had slept in sweat pants so they wouldnt need their clothes changed) and I headed up. DH and the kids met up with me a few minutes later in the waiting room.

And then we get to the other big reason that I didn't want to take the kids with me. Reason number one was obviously that I had no idea how to handle two kids while I was having a vag test. The other big reason is that I felt like I was on display. When DH and the kids came in the waiting room, the kids yelled, "Mommy!" and came running to me. DH called me a showoff. Which is partly how I felt. There were all these women in there doing everything they could to have a child, and I was there with two. Sure, they aren't biological kids. DS1 obviously looks like he is a different race from me so it is obvious that at least he is adopted, which of course is fine with me. Except at a fertility clinic I felt like some sort of poster parent. It was like all those people in the waiting room were looking at me and thought they knew my whole story. I was the woman who couldn't get pregnant so I adopted... and yet there I was still trying to get pregnant. There are all sort of horrible assumptions I felt those other patients were making about me and my life that I don't even want to write down.

I had my b/w. I had my u/s. I took DH to work. I came back home with the kids and changed their clothes, brushed their teeth, and got them in the car to take DS1 to preschool. The kids napped early today because I had to get them up early because I had to pick up DH at the end of the "subway" line (a 25 minute drive one way) since he didn't drive to the subway today. It was a long day that ended with a meltdown from DS2 so monumental that he threw up and was in bed an hour early.

A nurse was supposed to call me between 1-3 today to tell me my next step. Nobody called until 3:10 so I was afraid they had forgotten me. My estradiol (E2) level was 130. I really had no idea what that meant and I looked it up and found this. From what I get, my E2 level should be about double what it was on day 3. I don't know what it was on day 3 though. I think this is good though. My right ovary has 15-16 follicles that are all <10mm. That is the ovary I am rooting for since it is the ovary connected to my uterus. Go team right!! The follicles need to be at least 18mm to be mature. My left ovary has one follicle that is 19mm and one that is 12mm. That has me all kinds of worried. That left ovary needs to be sleeping, not doing anything productive. I don't want to ovulate on my own from the let or have that stupid left ovary being all awesome while Mrs. Righty is just napping.

I had to do another 75 iu shot of gonal-f tonight and I am going back in tomorrow for more bloodwork. I'm going alone with the kids tomorrow since it is just bloodwork. DS1 already told me that he doesn't want to go to the dr with me tomorrow. I don't really want to drive 45 minutes one way just to have blood drawn either.