12w

I made it! I decided to set little goals for this pregnancy and my first one was 12 weeks. I have read that most miscarriages happen before 12 weeks so here I am. Next goal is 14 weeks because at that point the chance of miscarriage goes down even more. In honor of making it this far, I decided to just tell everyone. That task was pretty easy. I just posted it in my status in facebook and within 10 minutes, I think everyone I have ever known now knows the news. In part I am glad everyone knows so I don't feel like I have to keep making excuses for why I never go anywhere anymore and really suck at answering emails. But of course this also means that if something goes wrong, I have the whole world to inform.

I called my OB yesterday to find out when I could stop using my progesterone suppositories. My RE said my OB would tell me when to stop using them and it would be around 12 weeks. My OB said I could stop using them now. So, last night was the last night of that. I am hoping that maybe there is a chance that without that extra dose of progesterone in my body, life will hand me a little less sickness. Plus, I am now 12 weeks. Keeping my fingers crossed that magically that will cure me of this illness.

I am seriously considering going back to the high risk dr for my prenatal care. I'm just so paranoid about the possibility of incompetent cervix. I know my OB said that she would make sure my cervix was measured during all my u/s but I am just not sure that is enough to make me feel confident staying with her. She said specifically that she didn't think there was any correlation between having a UU and having incompetent cervix. I don't agree with that. As I mentioned before too, I am probably going to end up at the hospital in the city anyway. They will send me there if I go early or there are any complications or the babies have to spend any time in NICU. Maybe I should just plan on going there. I have an appointment with my OB next Friday so I guess I will see how that goes before I make a decision.

9w

This being sick thing is getting old. I figured I am on about my 4th week of being totally incapable of doing anything. My mom has been here every day while DH is working. It is getting old. I feel like I don't do anything with my kids, but at the same time, I just can't do anything with my kids. I can hang for maybe an hour but then I just have to lay down because I either feel like I might die of sickness or I am ready to puke or I have a huge headache or a combination of all of the above. Most of my interaction with my kids today involved yelling at them for all their bad habits that they have picked up from being under the supervision of my mom who lets them get away with murder (or at least disrespectful attitudes, laziness, and constant whining).

Sleeping sucks. I nap most days but managed to go today without. I don't know if it is the naps or feeling sick or heartburn or all of the above, but I just can't stay asleep all night. I'm up peeing or needing a drink or being uncomfortable or just laying there wide awake at 4 am for no real reason.

I'm tired of eating. I can't eat large meals so I end up snacking all day. It is pretty much the only reason I get off the couch - because I am hungry yet again. Nothing ever sounds good to eat but usually everything tastes pretty good.

Been having a heatwave around here so going outside really hasn't even been an option. I managed to spend several hours outside on the Fourth of July only to feel like death by 9:30 and resort to throwing up salsa. Really, if you think there is a chance you might vomit, don't eat salsa.

Throwing up has pretty much become a daily occurrence. Now it seems to happen while I am searching through my purse for my Zofran. Throwing up really isn't that bad. I can deal with it. It is the feeling so awful all day long that I am done with. And in those moments when I think maybe it is all in my head and really I am not even pregnant, throwing up is actually kind of reassuring. Guess that makes me some sort of sicko.

The hives are gone! I itched for three days straight and then they just started disappearing.

I have an appointment with my OB on Friday. I got spoiled with all that time I spent in the hospital and all those u/s I had. I want another one! I'm pretty freaked out about the whole vanishing twin possibility. Whatever happens, happens, and I can deal with that. I just want to KNOW that it happened. I don't want to have to go another month thinking we are having two and then have an u/s and find out there is only one in there. That would just be a mean trick. I've dealt with too much crap during these nine weeks to welcome in any more mean tricks.

A bunch more people know I am pregnant. My mom misunderstood something I said and told three of her friends - the three with the biggest mouths. My brother-in-law said that now pretty much the entire tri-state area knows. I probably would be mad at her but I just don't care. My normal personality is rather explosive so maybe all these excess hormones are making me mellow. More likely, I am just too busy keeping my head above water and not drowning in sickness to sweat the small stuff. My mom only told these people that I was pregnant, and not that at the last check there were two things in there.

I made my first pregnancy related purchases. I ordered a body pillow and figured while I was ordering things, I would pick up one of those Bella Band things too. I am in definite need of the pillow. No need for the Bella Band yet.

I'm having issues with getting my progesterone suppositories refilled. They were supposed to be here today. They are not. Not sure if the new pharmacy that we have to use with DH's new insurance with his new job ever got the prescription. I know I should get on top of that but it is hard enough for me to get a shower everyday.

I can't believe I made it to 10:00 with no nap today. Off to try to sleep.

Cycle 4, 10 dpIUI

Feeling far less obsessive over every twinge and cramp and maybe kinda sore throat feeling I felt today. Maybe because I am feeling pretty much all over not so good today. The day started off good and has gone down hill. At some point this morning I noticed that my rudimentary horn (that no longer exists) side was hurting. That really isn't all that unusual this time of the month, even since I had surgery to remove it. I guess I must still have nerves there that think they should be feeling something. I get sharp pains that cause pain to run down the inside of my leg. It was worse today than normal though. Shortly after that I was running errands and got such a horrible cramp that I thought I was going to have to make a mad bolt to a bathroom with a case of the runs. That wasn't the case. Since dinner I have been feeling really awful in my stomach/uterus/intestinal area. I don't really know what part of me even hurts. It is kinda like I have heartburn or maybe I am going to have to use the bathroom but it could be cramps, but I don't think it is cramps. My back is starting to ache a lot too.

Have been having issues being interested in food pretty much since the IUI too. I get hungry but don't have a clue what I want to eat and nothing sounds good.

I realized last night that the progesterone suppositories that I have been using were expired. I guess I can't read. I thought it said they expired on 5/26/10. However, it said that they expired on 4/26/10. Those things don't have much of a shelf life at all so even though they were just a month expired, that was probably a lot. I have a second batch of the stuff though so I started using the unexpired stuff last night.

Ten days post ovulation is when the masses tell me that HPT can start to pick up the pregnancy hormone. As I said, I'm not planning on testing. Forgot to mention one of the big reasons why. The HSG trigger shot makes pregnancy tests come out positive even if you aren't pregnant. Who wants to get a false positive? I actually heard of someone who takes HPT every day from when they do the trigger shot until they finally get a negative so they know when the hormone is out of their body. Then they starting the tests over again waiting to get a positive that would indicate her body making the hormone herself from being pregnant. Even my RE won't do a pregnancy test until 16 days after the trigger shot (so 14 days after your IUI) because even blood pregnancy tests can result in a false positive from the trigger shot.

Oh, and my throat is definitely hurting now.

Cycle 4, 2 dpIUI

Two down, and 12 more to go until this 2ww is over! My strategy is to say as busy as possible in order to make this time fly. Succeeded today and actually forgot several times that we were hoping to have a baby. I am sure as the clock ticks down, no amount of keeping busy will keep me from over analyzing my body.

During my research yesterday to figure out what I was supposed to be doing with a pineapple core, I read that pomegranate juice is supposed to help things too. I've had it before and I actually like the extreme flavor. So, picked some up while I was at the store today. For lunch I had a super fertility drink. I threw my 1/5 of the pineapple (including core) into the food processor with some pomegranate juice and whipped myself up a yummy drink.

Went to a farmer's market today with my kids and my mom. There was a wine booth there. It was calling me. I took a look at the bottles and was trying to figure out which one I should purchase, crack open this weekend, and consume in its entirety. Crap. Really trying to avoid drinking in excess right now. I told my mom that we have a bunch of wine at home so I would pass it up this week. In two weeks though, if AF rears her ugly head, that is the first booth I am hitting up at the farmer's market.

I noticed tonight that my nipples are a bit sore. My nipples rarely ever get sore. Good sign? Maybe but this is only 2 dpIUI so it isn't like my body really has any idea what is going on in there. Most likely a result of the meds. Speaking of, I have read before that people who used the progesterone suppositories were zapped of energy. Never experienced that before but damn am I tired today for no apparent reason. Also a little constipated. I usually get that way a couple days before AF shows up, but never this early. Once again, not that that could possibly mean anything at this point.

Cycle 4, 1 dpIUI

Just had the IUI and already I have started the obsession phase that I swore I wouldn't partake in but knew I would anyway. After I posted yesterday I thought some more and decided that no, I am most certainly not going to get pregnant this month. I woke up this morning pretty sad knowing it was one more shot down the drain. More time and money that will all be for nothing but sadness and disappointment. I just don't see how my two follicles on my right (good) side could have grown big enough. On Saturday, three days before my IUI, they were only at 12 and 11. All the big ones that were boosting up my E2 levels had to have been on my left (useless) side.

First IUI cycle, I had 3 follicles on my good size, and they were 12, 11, and 11 three days before my IUI. Did they get fertilized and implant? Nope. Probably because I had some nice bigger ones on the useless side. They got completely passed up by the sperm and those bastard swimmers instead swam across my abdomen and took up residence with the nice big, mature eggs over in the rudimentary horn. So, I actually had a better chance of getting it right the first time around with more follicles and it didn't work. Yeah, yeah, it only takes one. But I don't think I really had even one.

The one thing I have going for me is that I am down to one tube. If sperm can swim across my abdomen, eggs can float across there too. So there is a very slim chance that I could have ovulated on the tubeless side and that egg could have still found its way into my uterus. There is a slim chance of having a UU and I managed that. There is a slim chance of getting pregnant in your rudimentary horn and I managed that. So who knows, maybe I managed this slim chance.

Talked with my friend J this evening that knows about this whole journey. Nothing really changed my line of thinking but it was nice to talk to someone face to face and I came away from the conversation feeling a little less sad. No more confident, but not as sad, so that was good.

That's what's been going on mentally.

Physically, I started the progesterone suppositories last night. I set a reminder on my phone and thank goodness I did because I was all cuddled up in bed and ready for sleep when my phone reminded me. Felt normal mostly today. Felt really crappy yesterday until about 1:00 when I started feeling more normal. Then this evening I started getting some weird pains. They are probably completely normal things but they are there so I obsess over them. Some pressure on my right side where my uterus is. Maybe a small pain or two that runs down my leg (which I know is related to my uterus). Now nothing. Did it mean something? Did it mean nothing? Does it just mean that I am crazy?

I remember hearing something about pineapple core and implantation. I was getting groceries today. We have been eating a lot of pineapple anyway so I figured I would pick one up and figure out what I was supposed to do with it. I guess you are supposed to slice it into 5 pieces, including the core, and eat it over the course of five days beginning with the day of your IUI. Obviously missed yesterday but figured whatever, I'll start today. Can't hurt anything and I love pineapple. I threw 1/5 of the pineapple including the core into the food processor with some OJ and mixed myself up a tasty beverage.

So, that is where I am physically.

Found out a few days ago that this complete self-centered bitch of a girl that was friends with a friend of mine and I before said girl turned completely self-centered and bitchy is pregnant. I told my friend, who has also had no luck in ever getting pregnant in the past 4 years, about this. My friend cursed karma and then stated that this girl couldn't possibly keep a houseplant alive and she thinks she can handle this? Funny and true. As for me, I just don't have the energy to ask why me and why not her. It is what it is. Glad it was me because I have the two most amazing little boys in my life because of it. Although, I would be nice if it could stop being me now too.

Cycle 4 , CD 1

Guess it is a go again. Seems weird to be calling this cycle 4. Cycle 1 was way back in December which got me pregnant but resulted in a disaster. Cycle 2 all my follicles but one (or was it two?) were on my tubeless side so we converted that to a timed intercourse cycle which I knew wasn't going to work, and it didn't. What was supposed to be cycle 3 ended up being canceled since I had a bunch of cysts. Had to take some time off since I was out of town and at last we have made it to trying again. But of course not without insane amounts of stress.

I have meds leftover so I didn't have to purchase those. One good thing I got going for me. Then DH had to go off and get himself a new job. He starts a week from Monday, right in time for my IUI. All I can really do at this point is keep my fingers crossed that this won't be a conflict. The hours are supposed to be somewhat flexible and he should be able to start as late as 10 am. Not sure how flexible this job will be before he gets settled though.

His old job was located about 10 minutes from my RE. This was rather convenient so on those early mornings when I had to go in for a vaginal u/s and I couldn't really take the kids in the room with me, he was able to go with me and then I could just drop him off at work afterward. He new job is over an hour from my RE, without traffic. (RE is in the city about 35 miles north and his new job is about 30 miles south of our house.) I have no clue what we are going to do now. The logical thing would be to tell my mom what we are up to and I am sure she would be more than willing to watch her grandkids in the hope to get more grandkids. But if you knew my mom, telling her what we are up to really isn't all that logical at all.

Another hurdle, we have new insurance now. Old insurance covered meds somewhat. For three vials of Gonal-F (each lasts an entire cycle), the HCG trigger shot, and the progesterone suppositories, it costs a little over $100. I am not sure what the cost is without coverage but I am thinking it is closer to $700 for some reason. I went ahead and ordered more meds (to be delivered next week) on the old insurance just in case I might need them. I would rather be out the $100 than need the meds next cycle and be struggling to figure out how to pay for them. Our current insurance now covers some costs involved with infertility. New insurance doesn't. On the cycle that ended up being converted to timed intercourse, we ended up having to pay about $500 instead of about $3000. So, if my ovaries don't cooperate so we can't use our ARC package that is pre-paid, that will be a big chunk of money to come up with.

So, here it is back to CD1. I was initially excited this morning when I realized we could give this all another shot. As much as I want to be optimistic, I just am not. I keep thinking that surely something else will go wrong this time. Maybe another cycle with all my follicles on the wrong side. Maybe it will be something new like actually getting pregnant and then having a miscarriage. Or maybe we will do all the drugs and the IUI and not get pregnant at all. I haven't done the math, but next month might be out for trying if this month doesn't happen (out of town wedding and out of town for another week on vacation). I guess I should just attempt to take it all one day at a time. Easier said than done.

Cycle 3 - Fail

Maybe cycle 3 is the charm, but I won't know for a couple months. Went in for my baseline b/w and u/s. I had the evil u/s tech that I never liked, and now loathe since she is the one that told me that my pregnancy was in the rudimentary horn. She didn't say a word but I suspected something was up because I was in there for an awful long time. I got the call around 2 this afternoon. I have two cysts on my right (good) ovary, and three on the left (useless) ovary. It is something common that happens from all the stimulation to the ovaries with the drugs. Apparently it makes it really difficult to even tell what is going on in there during a cycle if there are cysts on the ovaries because the doctors can't tell what are follicles and what are cysts. So, the cycle is canceled. I'm a bit bummed but I have gotten rather used to my body not cooperating with my life plans one bit. I'm just rolling with the punches. It sucks that my gonal-f will be expired. I'm really hoping that the HCG trigger shot and progesterone that will be delivered tomorrow won't expire by the time I need them. Unless something wacky goes on with this cycle, we won't get to try in April either since I will be out of town. Can't believe it will be May (or almost May) before I have to go in there again.

Trying to concentrate on the good points, like the fact that I don't have to run back and forth to the city during insane hours for the next two weeks. Also, I don't really want a winter baby, although I really would take a baby (preferably a healthy one) during any season. Vacation is scheduled for June, so if cycle 3 is the charm, I'll only be slightly pregnant then. I am pretty much out of good points. I had a beer this afternoon because I could. That was nice too. Maybe I'll have another now. Or several.

Cycle 3, CD 2

Spent some time yesterday morning getting everything ready to go for this next cycle. Called the pharmacy to place my order for another HCG trigger shot and more progesterone suppositories. That should be delivered on Thursday. Apparently I have to sign for my drugs now, which I never did before. I should be home unless they come by during the 20 minutes it takes me to go pick up DS1 from preschool. Also talked to my RE office to let them know it was day 1 of my cycle. The nurse said she was sorry that my period showed up, which was nice, but since I felt not the least bit surprised or sad that this cycle didn't work out, it kind of caught me off guard. She asked if we did want to do another cycle. Not really sure what the policy is, like how many cycles I can try before they bring me in to see the doctor again. I think our plan is to just keep doing IUIs until we run out of packages that we bought using ARC (two more left) and what our insurance covers (probably another 2-3 cycles).

I am keeping my fingers crossed that the third time's the charm. March seems like a fabulous time to get knocked up, right? That would give me a December baby. So far we have three out of four people in this family with a birthday near Christmas, so should probably just add another one to the bunch. If things don't work out, we are going to have to take April off. I am going to be out of town for a weekend and likely that is the weekend when we would have to do the IUI. Plus, I'll need to order more Gonal-F after this cycle anyway so that will give me a chance to get that ordered and delivered if AF shows up.

Tomorrow I have to go in for my baseline b/w and u/s. Got myself an appointment at 6:45, so I'll be up early. At least I don't have to take the kids with me.

Cycle 2, 5dpti

Nothing really much to report, apart from me being slightly crazy in my attempt to recreate the last cycle when I got pregnant. Last time around I went to a birthday party at 4dpIUI and drank a beer. So yesterday at 4dpIUI, I drank a beer. Because it is obvious that drinking that beer is what got me pregnant. I've been a bit constipated. I usually am around this time of the month but not usually this bad. Been feeling insanely tired. I hear that progesterone does that to you. I didn't notice last time I used it. I am thinking my exhaustion is more related to my cold. One thing I have noticed with progesterone is that I have no sex drive. Of course it is always a good time once it gets going, but just have no desire to get things started. I should probably put out tonight since the last time we did it was 5 days again when we had to.

Can't remember if I ever gave an update on this. I mentioned a while back that SIL was diagnosed with an SU (septate uterus). She saw another dr and it was determined that she actually just had "the world's thickest hyman". I could see super conservative MIL smiling over this because it means that her 22 year old daughter indeed was saving herself for her wedding night this summer. Her hyman apparently just had a small whole in it that allowed her to menstruate but that was it. She had a surgical procedure last Thursday. Although I am not totally sure what they did and didn't ask for complete details. The original plan was just to perforate her hyman in several places in hopes that it would tear on it's own. That just seems strange to me. She had to go under general anesthesia so I am thinking they probably just removed the whole darn thing.

Cycle 2, 3dpti

I felt some uterus weirdness today. Which really isn't different than most days in my life actually. It wasn't exactly cramps, but unpleasantness in my uterus. It was distinctly on my right side too. My right ovary area was oddly sore too. This could be good or bad. I am leaning toward indifferent though. I am thinking it is probably more something caused by the progesterone suppositories I have been using.

Cycle 2, 2dpTI

In case you can't figure it out, 2dpTI = two days past timed intercourse.

Nothing really new going on. DH asked me yesterday if I felt anything. I told him yes, I could feel our kid kicking. Of course what he really wanted to know is if I felt any different than I did right after my trigger shot. My ovaries (mostly the left/useless one) felt huge there for a day and everything felt back to normal yesterday. Guess that means I really did ovulate. I started my progesterone suppositories last night.

I just read a statistic that there is an 8% chance that a person who has two ovaries and one tube (like me) can get pregnant even if they are ovulating from the wrong side. I knew there was a chance the other tube could pick it up and I knew the chance was slim, but never actually heard a statistic before. I didn't want this whole cycle to be a bust because I knew that even if I only had one possible nice follicle on the correct side, there was still a chance that a little egg from the other side could make it's way over. Of course there is also this super slim chance that DH's super crazy sperm could fertilize one of my eggs somewhere in my abdominal cavity and it could then attach to some bizarre place like my bowel and I could end up pretty much in the same boat I was last time with my pregnancy in my rudimentary horn. I don't know the statistics on that happening but I am sticking nearly impossible and it will never happen to me.

That is about it. I keep thinking I should start looking for a part-time job. As much as I love my kids and love spending time with them, I know that financially we could really benefit from me working a little. Also, I fear that putting my career on hold for too long is going to end up causing a huge delay with me moving forward in a career when I do go back to work. However, seems rather silly to be looking for a job now. Now that we discovered that we have some insurance coverage, that means more chances to get pregnant. I almost feel that it is inevitable at this point that I will some day be pregnant. Then what? Then I will have to quit my job anyway. Or I could put all this effort into getting my resume all polished up and searching for jobs and writing up cover letters and find out in two weeks that I am pregnant. Or, I might never end up pregnant and could just be waiting around for nothing.

Either way, nothing is happening with the job hunting today. I have a sore throat and am physically wiped out. I think I'll do some resting.

Cycle 1, 14 dpIUI

I started out the day feeling really positive and now I am nothing but negative. I managed to pee only every 45 minutes today (unlike yesterday's every 30 minutes) to check the TP. No sign of AF. Around 1:30 this afternoon it suddenly struck me how ludicrous it would be if I were pregnant. Me? Pregnant? Doubt it. There had to be a more logical explanation for the missing AF. My temp dropped over the weekend. Your temp drops when your progesterone level drops. Once your progesterone level drops that signals your body you aren't pg and AF shows up. But... my progesterone level won't be able to drop since I am using progesterone suppositories. Off to my trusty friend google.

And it is true. Progesterone often does make AF late. It apparently happens more with progesterone in oil (injections) than it does with progesterone suppositories. It also turns out that if you are charting, your temp will still drop most of the time when AF is really due.

So it appears I was right. AF was due this weekend because, as I suspected, I ovulated before the IUI and this whole cycle was a complete waste. Now there is no AF so no proof that I ovulated early which is going to make it more difficult for me to be a bitch to my RE and insist that I know my body better than them and did ovulate before my IUI. I have to call my RE tomorrow to let them know that AF did not arrive and will have to make a totally wasted trip in there on Thursday, early, getting the kids up early and all the way to the city just so they can stab me with a needle and tell me what I already know. Also, I hear that when AF does finally show up after progesterone, it is a period from hell. I already have periods from hell. Is there a super double deep hell? If so, that is where this period will be from.

And I am mad. Mad mostly that even though I knew from the beginning that this cycle was not going to work out, that yesterday and today I had so much hope. Hope that made no sense at all. I was happy and excited and scared. And it was all for nothing. So now I am just pissed off.

Cycle 1, 8 dpIUI

Still here. Still convinced I was right and the doctors were wrong. Starting to get some little cramps which is consistent with AF showing up this weekend and me being right about when I ovulated and it being a huge waste of money/time/one of our three cycles to do the IUI. Been feeling a little nauseous lately, which is a side effect of the progesterone. My level of rage over this whole thing where I got screwed out of a cycle by my RE is slowly making it's way to the stage of acceptance. That and fear of just how much pain I am going to be in when AF shows up and my rudimentary horn that my RE claims isn't an issues, starts giving me all kinds of issues.

Just want to add, I know I keep dissing my RE's office and sometimes my RE, but really, they/he is the best around. I did some extensive research and not only is the clinic the best recommended place for fertility treatment in the area, but my RE is the go to guy around here for UU's and other types of MA's. So, pissed as I might be, I'm still sticking with it. Also, I'm planning on getting that rudimentary horn removed. Come January if I am not pregnant, the surgery is getting canceled.

Speaking of surgery, got a call from the hospital today. Apparently they sent me two bills for my lap/hyst that I never received. Seems ridiculous that I have to pay anyone for God's mistake in putting me together. When I used to work, my insurance kicked some ass. DH's insurance, not so much.

Cycle 1, 1 dpIUI

And the wait begins. I'm not really anxious. I don't know if it because I convinced myself a couple days ago that we have no chance this cycle or because I know that being anxious isn't going to change anything or make the wait shorter. DH came home from work yesterday, gave me a kiss, rubbed my belly and said hello Ziggy. Ziggy? Ziggy Zygote. Or would it be Emily yet. Emily? Emily Embryo. Being the dork that I am I looked it up and found that for the first 4 days it would be Ziggy and then up through the first 8 weeks it would be Emily. Or it could be that those 11.9 million sperm couldn't find one egg in my uterus that is half that size that it is supposed to be.

Last night I started the progesterone suppositories. I don't know if this is normal, but my pharmacy compounds the progesterone suppositories and they come in a jar wrapped up in aluminum foil. The bottle says to make sure to remove the foil wrapping. Thanks for the warning but I had kinda figured that out. They are shaped like little white bullets - cylindrical, flat on one end, pointed on the other. Yesterday I was looking up side effects of progesterone and found a thread on a forum. One woman on there was saying that she wasn't sure she got her suppository inserted far enough so she used the handle end of a wooden spoon. She later decided that wasn't a good idea and so the next night she was going to have her husband "use his thing" to make sure it was up there. After laughing hysterically I concluded that she must have quite the cavernous vagina. A lot have women complain about the mess created by the suppositories and I was even told at my RE office yesterday that I would probably want to wear a panty liner overnight. Apparently I have a really absorbent va-jay-jay because there was not a hint of mess.

Among the side effects, I read such things as constipation, diarrhea, mild to severe nausea, tiredness, headache, depression, and several others that I know I am forgetting. I don't know if it was the progesterone or just having a really busy week, but I sure slept soundly last night. I had one little bathroom emergency today but that was shortly after I have a huge lunch at a restaurant so it was probably more of a result of eating massive amounts of grease covered food than the meds.

So, nothing new. 14 more days to wait at the most. Looks like I will find out if I am pregnant or be starting a new cycle right when my brother gets here to stay with me for a few days before Christmas. Nothing like good timing.

Cycle 1, IUI

As I told DH, "I take lots of drugs and then some guy I just met squirts some sperm in me. It's just like college!" So, it didn't exactly go like that.

I felt like crap all day yesterday. It wasn't just uncomfortable and crampy around the ovaries, it was all over felt sick. I spent most of the afternoon and evening with ice on my belly where I injected the HCG. The area hurt so bad even just when my clothing touched it. It had turned into basically a big hive that was slightly itchy, but I didn't dare scratch because touching it was so painful. DH was teasing me about my belly hurting and said something about how I am going to do a lot of complaining when I have 6 lb triplets in my belly. Hmm... I hope I don't have triplets! I did some googling and it seemed that nothing I was experiencing was on the list of "call your doctor immediately if...". So I suffered. I probably would have felt much better had I taken some Tylenol but I am trying to avoid putting anything in my body that I don't have to. By the evening I was feeling better. That of course had me worried too. During my googling, I found several people say that once they ovulated they felt so much better. I didn't want to ovulate.

On to today. As the morning went on, my crampy right ovary has gotten better. It still hurts a bit if I breathe in really deep. I went to bed early because I was so tired and went right to sleep. I figured I wouldn't have any problem sleeping since I wasn't feeling excited/anxious. I woke up just before 5. DH was getting up at 5. Then I was laying there up waiting for him to get up. It took me a little while to fall asleep but I must have. My alarm went off at 5:45. My temp was still high today, up .1 from yesterday. I got the kids up at 6:45. I got them ready and took them over to my sister's house where my mom was getting her other grandchildren off to school. I had packed breakfast for my kids last night to take with them. DH had to go do his part at 7:00 am. (Normally they have people come in at 7:30 but he was on call for jury duty so he was able to go in early.) I got a txt msg from him just before I got to my sister's that said, "The swimmers are ready for the pool." I got the two car seats switched from my car to my mom's. I allowed a lot of time and was trying not to hurry and get worried and all went well. Then I was off.

Rush hour traffic wasn't too bad getting into the city. I sat and waited some but still managed to get to the RE about 30 minutes early. There was a lady in the elevator with me in labor and she kept groaning in pain and I kept thinking, why am I doing this? I got called back to the room by a physician's assistant (PA) that I have never met. She introduced herself and seemed nice. I talked to her for a few minutes about the IUI and some guidelines - no swimming for 2 hours afterward and spotting is normal. I undressed from the waist down and waited. She came back with DH's specimen and I had to check the labels and make sure that I was getting knocked up by the right sperm. She said that ideally they like to see anything over a sperm count of 10 million. DH's was 11.9 million. She left again and came back with the RE. My RE was in surgery today so it was another man from the practice. I have heard a lot of people think this RE is great... just a little odd. He was rather old and kinda shuffled around the room and did nothing while the PA did everything.

I was just there hanging out in the stirrups. The PA took up the position between my legs. She has some sort of speculum warmer which was pretty neat. Barely felt the speculum go in. I kept waiting for the catheter that would carry the sperm into my uterus. I barely felt that as it was inserted into my cervix. It was probably about that time that I was so close to getting a case of the giggles. It was all just so ridiculous. That was not how people got pregnant. My husband was at work. Some woman was between my legs. My legs were in stirrups. Just ridiculous. Then this old RE guy just kinda leaned over and started peaking between my eyes, looking all serious and just odd. I held back my giggles but I know I started smiling at that point because it was all just so funny. The PA asked me if I felt any cramping. I said no. She immediately asked me again and I said yes. It was very minor and almost completely went away a minute later. The IUI was over in about a minute. They told me to lay flat for about 10-15 minutes and then I could go back to life as I know it. Just no swimming for 2 hours.

I hung out. I had nothing to read and my phone was in my pants pocket and my pants weren't on. I decided to do some visualizing of sperm swimming up to my egg. All I could picture was the opening of that movie "Look Who's Talking" where there are a bunch of sperm and the one is talking about how they need to check the map and at last they find the egg and one of the sperm gets in. That too was ridiculous so I stopped trying to visualize anything. Time was up. I went on my way.

I sent DH a txt msg saying, "There's a mean game of Marco Pollo in progress." I have leaked a little since then, but nothing too bad at all. I'm still having a little right ovary tenderness. Mostly my back is killing me. I have a messed up lower back and it almost always acts up just before AF shows up where there are all kinds of things going on in that area. My back has been sore since Sunday and it seems to be getting worse, not better. Tonight I start my progesterone suppositories. I was reading about possible side-effects of progesterone suppositories yesterday and I just really hope I have none. I'm so tired of feeling like crap. DH was kind enough to remind last night when I was going on about how gross I felt that this all was exactly what I wanted. I gave him the finger.

Other than that, I wait. If AF doesn't show up in 15 days I have to call to make an appointment to have a blood pregnancy test done. I think I can hold off until then. With all these drugs in me, I'm not even sure if a home pregnancy test would be accurate. I guess that's done. For now.

Cycle 1, CD 10

Won't they just cancel my cycle already? I am tired. In the past 7 days, I have had to go to my RE's 5 times. Headed there tomorrow too. I have absolutely no hope that my right ovary is going to step up to the game. I really don't even think my RE thinks there is hope for Mrs. Righty, but keeps me coming just to see what my body does for future reference. I know that should be a good thing, but I am tired.

Went off to the city this morning to have b/w and an u/s. There was a place in my college town where you could sell your plasma (the watery part of your blood, not including your cells). Because it was just plasma, you could go like 3 times a week. Several of my friends made their income during college selling plasma. I did not because I always felt really sick or passed out every time I needed to have even a little blood drawn. My friends used to show off their track marks on their arms from having needles stuck in them all the time. I never had track marks. Until now. Now I am running out of veins that aren't bruised. No clue where they are going to stick me tomorrow since both arms are black and blue and sore.

My E2 is up to 978. Progesterone is 1.5. (A progesterone level over 15 during a medicated cycle will indicate that I have ovulated.) The nurse was speaking really fast but I think she said that my right ovary has a follicle measuring 12mm, two follicles measuring 11mm, and two follicles measuring 10mm. (They need to be 18mm to be mature.) She said something about my left ovary, maybe just that there was activity there too but that ovary doesn't really matter.

My plan for the evening was to "coast". Basically, I do nothing. No injections of gonal-f. I just hang out. Tomorrow I have to go back in for more b/w... if they can find a place to stick me. At this point I am just hoping I ovulate on my own soon... like today would be good. I don't have any hope that my right ovary is going to step it up. I just feel like this is all being drug out. I'm done with this driving and needles and being so tired (which is probably because I don't have any blood left) and feeling like I don't get to hang out with my family because I am always at the doctor. I knew how much time this would all involve but there was really no way of knowing how spending all that time in the car and at the RE was going to affect me until I did it. It makes me tired. Maybe we should have done this all before we moved. Just over a year ago we were living 10 miles from my RE. Now we are 35 miles away. Did I mention I'm tired?

I Got Drugs

My injectable meds were delivered today. I know some people get all excited when that happens. It really wasn't that exciting. I knew they were coming today so it wasn't as if it were a big surprise. I actually forgot they were being delivered today until early afternoon. I've got my Gonal-F. Three boxes. I didn't open them but I have seen pictures and video of what it is like so I didn't really see the need to open them. I got my Novarel (HSG trigger shot). Wow. That needle is huge. I'm planning on giving myself all the shots just because I am weird like that, like to do stuff on my own. I jokingly told DH that he was going to have to give me that one and he said, "Sorry, you are on your own." He hates needles. Last, got my progestrone suppositories. My RE is the only one at the practice that has his patients use them. I'm glad. They are supposed to help sustain my uterine lining and help a fertilized egg implant. However, I hear they make you super tired and who the heck wants to have sex when they are sticking a suppository up there once a day. The progesterone is compounded at my pharmacy and were shipped in a big bottle, all individually wrapped in aluminum foil. I had to laugh at the label on the bottle that read, "REMOVE ALL WRAPPING BEFORE USE". I kinda figured I wouldn't be sticking aluminum foil up my hoo-ha.

Nothing else going on really. I woke up with 5 zits this morning. I usually get 1 or 2 around this time of the month. Of course my mind going into thinking that because I have 5 zits, that must mean I am pregnant. I use Fertility Friend to track my charting for my cycles. Fertility Friend is all confused by my temps this month and thinks I haven't ovulated. I know better. I ovulated 6 days ago. AF should show up Tuesday or Wednesday of next week. Timing works out good since I'll be in the swing of shooting myself up and making semi-daily trips to the city and being all whacked out on hormones during the week of Thanksgiving. That means only one potentially conflictual day of trying to get DS1 to preschool after getting him up at 5 am to go to the city and back before drop off time.

So the next step now is just waiting for AF.