Shakin' the Funk

Feeling much less in a funk than I have been. Still sucks that I am currently not working toward anything, but not really anything I can do about it. I was really sick over the weekend. Couldn't get out of bed. Thought I was going to die. My body ached just from having to lay in bed so long. Made me really hope that if I do end up pregnant that I never have to face bed rest. I don't think I could handle bed rest.

Somehow, though I felt like I was facing death, I think I might have ovulated and managed to have sex at the right time. Not that we were trying to plan that. Not that I think that perfectly timed sex would ever lead to a baby. Oddly, I still manage to hold on to just a simmer or realization that there could be a miracle. Not really sure if I really ovulated though. I was charting just so I would have a heads up on where I am in my cycle. Fertility Friend said I ovulated on Friday, then changed its mind today and now thinks I didn't ovulate. I don't care enough to try to over analyze it.

Found out that a friend is pregnant. Another friend told me just so I wouldn't be blindsided by the information. I am so far passed feeling bad about my fertility situation because others don't have to face it. Never really got feeling bad for myself because other people have it easier. Doesn't keep me from wondering if someday I might not have it so hard.

A Step Closer

I am pretty confident that I finally ovulated. I keep track on Fertility Friend (FF) although my temps are erratic enough that FF still claims I haven't ovulated. I've been doing this long enough to know that FF doesn't always pick up these things. Today is day 28 of my cycle and I either ovulated on day 24 or 25. I called my pharmacy and my trigger shot should be delivered this week some time. That is the only medication I need for this cycle since I still have left over Gonal-F and progesterone. The cycle is all paid in advance so the only money we have to put out this cycle is for the parking (and gas) each time I got to get monitored and the $20 co-pay on the trigger shot. That is one great big positive. Not sure how I feel emotionally about heading into this again. A couple days ago when I realized I ovulated I had this "Oh shit" feeling, like I had really wanted to get things moving forward but then when they were, oh shit. Right now I feel nothing. Maybe that is only because I just woke up and my brain isn't really functioning fully yet.

I still have a little end of my stitches sticking out of my side where my largest incision was. Also still have two little pieces of stitches in my belly button. The belly button ones can go any time now. My belly button is crusty and sometimes seeps a clearish liquid and is just annoying and slightly gross. Physically I feel great though. Ever so slightly tender still by where my big incision was which is made worse by the fact that my two kids and large dog find a way to step on me and kick me there multiple times a day.

Cycle 1, 10 dpIUI

Right on schedule. At least right on schedule for when I think I ovulated. My temp took a drop today. It will drop again tomorrow and then AF will either show up tomorrow or Sunday, proving once and for all that this whole cycle was a big giant waste.

I started orchestrating my plan on how to tell them I am right. I tried it once already when I called to tell them I thought I ovulated before my IUI and that didn't go over very well. They told me I didn't, that they had it all under control. Obviously not. When I call in to let them know that I am on CD1, I think I am going to start off with, "Is there something you can give me so I don't ovulate early?" The nurses pretty much handle all this stuff so it would just be nice if I could talk to my RE. He is so easy going and I know all I would have to say is that I know I ovulated early and he would be all, "Okay, here's this drug to prevent that." Instead I got to talk to a nurse when I called before my IUI who told me that I didn't know my own body and there was no way I could have ovulated before my IUI and I just needed to relax. Yeah, I've been relaxed for the past two years and there hasn't been a baby in this belly yet. Actually, the only time I haven't been relaxed is now that no one is listening to me about when I ovulated.