Cycle 2, CD 12

Just as I expected, last night was a big (floppy) failure. I'm doing my best to remember that I hadn't even given myself the HCG trigger shot so the important sex hasn't even happened. DH said something about saving it up for tonight and tomorrow night. I figured we weren't having sex tonight since he usually isn't up for two nights in a row and I think Tuesday is the more important night. Of course I can't really say anything because saying anything will only make him more anxious about it.

I guess I did say one thing. I said we should recreate the RE's office. If only we had a pleather couch, he could sit on that with a piece of paper under his butt and do his thing into a cup. I can take the needle off the spare syringe I got from the pharmacy and shoot his stuff up there! We laughed. Wonder if he knows that I wasn't kidding.

DH pissed me off this morning. I was so tempted to send him a txt msg about what he was supposed to do and neglected to do. I ultimately decided to just repress all my emotions. This is just all so stupid. I can't even tell him I am pissed at him because I'm so paranoid about rocking the already unstable boat. It is all my right ovary's fault. If it had just cooperated we wouldn't have had to worry about sex at all.

Gave myself the HCG trigger shot around 9:40 this morning. (Got delayed because I had to do the thing mentioned above that DH was supposed to do.) I couldn't get the stupid needle to break my skin. A little pushing and finally in it went. Don't know what the deal is, but in general I feel amazing while on Gonal-F. I am full of energy and generally happy. I felt bloated that one day and last night during sex there was a little discomfort by my left ovary, but other than that, I feel better than normal. Then I had to go give myself that trigger shot and I know it is all down hill. Wonder how much longer it will take before I get a giant welt on my belly again that feels like it's on fire and I start to feel like I have the flu. In the middle of all of that, I get to try to encourage my man to have sex and pretend I am not pissed off at anything. All of this for one stupid egg.

I contacted ARC and was told that my package for the IUI would not be used as long as I didn't have an IUI. Good news there. I still have two cycles left through that. I called my RE's billing office to straighten everything out with them. I left a message and am awaiting their return call. We will have to pay for all the bloodwork and u/s I had this cycle directly to them. More money we don't have. Maybe I could get my sugar daddy to pay for it ;)

Cycle 2, CD 7

Same shit, different day. Good thing I have an alarm set on my phone to remind me when to do my Gonal-F injections. Otherwise, I would probably forget. I guess that is what happens when you are on your second cycle. There was a point today when I was 100% sure that this cycle is going to work. No idea why. It wasn't even like I was thinking, "If this works..." I was thinking how I will be pregnant. I'm just generally not a very optimistic person. Not that I can't look on the bright side, I just prefer to play out bad scenarios in my head and rehearse how I will react to them, instead of thinking the best is going to happen only to be let down. Being optimistic is scary.

Other than feeling really bloated back on day 4 of this cycle, I haven't really had any side effects from the drugs that I can definitely say they are a result of the drugs. I find myself getting misty eyed over the dumbest things at time, but I am like that without drugs sometimes. My sense of smell might be a bit enhanced, either that or my house really needs cleaned and smells enough for me to notice.

Another fun day tomorrow. Early appointment for b/w and u/s. DH has to go to watch the kids. Got to get him to work after that and DS1 to school. That is if unless school doesn't get canceled again.

Cycle 1, 1 dpIUI

And the wait begins. I'm not really anxious. I don't know if it because I convinced myself a couple days ago that we have no chance this cycle or because I know that being anxious isn't going to change anything or make the wait shorter. DH came home from work yesterday, gave me a kiss, rubbed my belly and said hello Ziggy. Ziggy? Ziggy Zygote. Or would it be Emily yet. Emily? Emily Embryo. Being the dork that I am I looked it up and found that for the first 4 days it would be Ziggy and then up through the first 8 weeks it would be Emily. Or it could be that those 11.9 million sperm couldn't find one egg in my uterus that is half that size that it is supposed to be.

Last night I started the progesterone suppositories. I don't know if this is normal, but my pharmacy compounds the progesterone suppositories and they come in a jar wrapped up in aluminum foil. The bottle says to make sure to remove the foil wrapping. Thanks for the warning but I had kinda figured that out. They are shaped like little white bullets - cylindrical, flat on one end, pointed on the other. Yesterday I was looking up side effects of progesterone and found a thread on a forum. One woman on there was saying that she wasn't sure she got her suppository inserted far enough so she used the handle end of a wooden spoon. She later decided that wasn't a good idea and so the next night she was going to have her husband "use his thing" to make sure it was up there. After laughing hysterically I concluded that she must have quite the cavernous vagina. A lot have women complain about the mess created by the suppositories and I was even told at my RE office yesterday that I would probably want to wear a panty liner overnight. Apparently I have a really absorbent va-jay-jay because there was not a hint of mess.

Among the side effects, I read such things as constipation, diarrhea, mild to severe nausea, tiredness, headache, depression, and several others that I know I am forgetting. I don't know if it was the progesterone or just having a really busy week, but I sure slept soundly last night. I had one little bathroom emergency today but that was shortly after I have a huge lunch at a restaurant so it was probably more of a result of eating massive amounts of grease covered food than the meds.

So, nothing new. 14 more days to wait at the most. Looks like I will find out if I am pregnant or be starting a new cycle right when my brother gets here to stay with me for a few days before Christmas. Nothing like good timing.