Cycle 4, CD 10

You know you have been sucked really far into this infertility treatment when you start having dreams about running around an industrial complex in the middle of the night with a giant (like 12 inches long, an inch and a half wide) test tube filled with your husband's semen. Then when you become under attack from evil men, you think, I can't spill any of this semen! It is more valuable than gold! I did realize at the last minute of this dream that my best defense against the bad guys was to throw the huge amount of my husband's semen I was carrying into the eyes of the men attacking me.

I started feeling pretty crappy/crampy by last evening, a feeling that would come and go. The nurse yesterday told me to do the trigger at 8:30 last night. I have now decided that she should be known as Evil Nurse because each time she calls me, she gives me no information. Turns out last conversation we had, she neglected to give me information that I really needed. The first IUI I did, I had specific instructions from the lovely nurse who called to give myself the Novarel shot in my stomach and exactly how to mix the diluent with the powder, etc. Evil Nurse simply said to give myself the shot at 8:30. Okay fine. I didn't think anything of it since I have given myself this shot twice before, once for the IUI cycle and once for the timed intercourse cycle. Now that I think about it, the nurse who gave me the instructions for the timed intercourse cycle didn't really give me any information about giving myself the Novarel shot.

Around 8:00 I decided to take the Novarel out of the fridge to warm up a bit. I noticed that the box said the shot was intramuscular only. Umm... a shot into my stomach isn't intramuscular. Decided to get onto the website that my RE referred me to and watch the instruction video on how I was supposed to give myself this shot. I watched the most ridiculous video where this guy gives his woman a shot in her ass. The woman smiles adoringly the entire time and the man tells his woman at the end, "All done, Sweety!" My point being, this shot did not go in my butt last time. I dug out the paperwork that my RE gave me about a year ago describing all the medication and saw that although some HCG shots are given in the belly, Novarel should be given in the butt. What to do... what to do... I figured since I didn't get any instructions, I would use the default instructions, and take it in the ass. That is if I could get DH to give it to me in the ass.

With five minutes to spare, I asked DH with fingers crossed if he could possibly give me my trigger shot and not pass out. Then he had the joy of watching the lovely video of the smiling happy people giving and receiving butt injections. He spent a couple minutes pushing on my butt trying to figure out where to stick the needle when it was time so the medication would go into my muscle. Not really sure what health care professional decided that butts are the place to go when you want to hit muscle. Maybe some butts. I have some cushion back there. No idea if muscle was actually penetrated.

Then it came time to mix the diluent with the powder. Umm... how much diluent do I need? No one told me. I was almost positive the nurse the first time said to use 1 cc so I went with that, although DH said I should probably watch the video about mixing to find out. Whatever. Used 1 cc. I like to live dangerously like that. Injection went fine. DH didn't pass out which was a bonus. Then spent the rest of the evening worrying about whether the injection was done right or not. Went and watched the mixing video which said, "Your doctor will tell you how much diluent to use for your injection." Ah, yeah... that didn't happen.

Felt mildly under the weather today. A bit nauseous at times, really tired, and just blah. My ass really hurts too. Has gotten worse as the day has gone on. Not nearly as bad as my stomach did the first time I used the Novarel that involved me getting a huge, burning welt. Starting to feel a lot of soreness in my ovary area. Mainly in my left (useless) side. I am trying not to over think what that means too much but mostly I just feel like crying because it probably means my left ovary is all ripe and ready to go and Mr. Righty (the only side that matters) has puttered out and my body will fail me once again.

Hopefully I don't get myself too worked up and can't get to sleep tonight. Got to get up at 5:15 tomorrow to start the day. Think of me at 8:30 tomorrow while some woman is getting me pregnant! ...I hope.

Cycle 4 , CD 1

Guess it is a go again. Seems weird to be calling this cycle 4. Cycle 1 was way back in December which got me pregnant but resulted in a disaster. Cycle 2 all my follicles but one (or was it two?) were on my tubeless side so we converted that to a timed intercourse cycle which I knew wasn't going to work, and it didn't. What was supposed to be cycle 3 ended up being canceled since I had a bunch of cysts. Had to take some time off since I was out of town and at last we have made it to trying again. But of course not without insane amounts of stress.

I have meds leftover so I didn't have to purchase those. One good thing I got going for me. Then DH had to go off and get himself a new job. He starts a week from Monday, right in time for my IUI. All I can really do at this point is keep my fingers crossed that this won't be a conflict. The hours are supposed to be somewhat flexible and he should be able to start as late as 10 am. Not sure how flexible this job will be before he gets settled though.

His old job was located about 10 minutes from my RE. This was rather convenient so on those early mornings when I had to go in for a vaginal u/s and I couldn't really take the kids in the room with me, he was able to go with me and then I could just drop him off at work afterward. He new job is over an hour from my RE, without traffic. (RE is in the city about 35 miles north and his new job is about 30 miles south of our house.) I have no clue what we are going to do now. The logical thing would be to tell my mom what we are up to and I am sure she would be more than willing to watch her grandkids in the hope to get more grandkids. But if you knew my mom, telling her what we are up to really isn't all that logical at all.

Another hurdle, we have new insurance now. Old insurance covered meds somewhat. For three vials of Gonal-F (each lasts an entire cycle), the HCG trigger shot, and the progesterone suppositories, it costs a little over $100. I am not sure what the cost is without coverage but I am thinking it is closer to $700 for some reason. I went ahead and ordered more meds (to be delivered next week) on the old insurance just in case I might need them. I would rather be out the $100 than need the meds next cycle and be struggling to figure out how to pay for them. Our current insurance now covers some costs involved with infertility. New insurance doesn't. On the cycle that ended up being converted to timed intercourse, we ended up having to pay about $500 instead of about $3000. So, if my ovaries don't cooperate so we can't use our ARC package that is pre-paid, that will be a big chunk of money to come up with.

So, here it is back to CD1. I was initially excited this morning when I realized we could give this all another shot. As much as I want to be optimistic, I just am not. I keep thinking that surely something else will go wrong this time. Maybe another cycle with all my follicles on the wrong side. Maybe it will be something new like actually getting pregnant and then having a miscarriage. Or maybe we will do all the drugs and the IUI and not get pregnant at all. I haven't done the math, but next month might be out for trying if this month doesn't happen (out of town wedding and out of town for another week on vacation). I guess I should just attempt to take it all one day at a time. Easier said than done.

Cycle 2, 12dpti

Goodbye Cycle 2. Hello AF. I didn't even have a chance to be upset about this cycle not working. I guess mostly because I knew it wouldn't work. Sex never got us pregnant before, so why would it this time? There was a split second this morning when I thought maybe I was pregnant because the smells at the breakfast table were really getting me. Then after lunch, went to pee, and surprise! AF even showed up a day early! I guess my wish from yesterday that AF wouldn't be late was granted. Oddest part of all, not a bit of cramping whatsoever. Not my normal headache that always goes along with AF showing up either. That has got this one little corner of my brain in denial that this is really AF. Really, it is. Bright red AF.

According to my RE, day 1 of cycle 3 doesn't officially start until tomorrow. They say you need to have full red flow before noon, as in wake up and it's there. AF's flight came in at 12:35.

Cycle 3 is going to be marvelous though. First of all, I got "the third one's the charm" going for me. If my ovaries do like to trade off on who is in charge each cycle, this will be the month that Mr. Righty takes over and that is just the side that I am rooting for. If I end up with my IUI on day 13 of my cycle like it was the last two times (or timed intercourse this time around), that will be a Saturday which will make juggling DH doing his part and me doing my part and the kids not being there far more simple. So, bring it on!

Cycle 2, 11dpti

Didn't write anything the last couple days since there was nothing to write. Nothing interesting going on with my body at all. I saw J yesterday and she asked how things were going (fertility-wise) and I had nothing to report. Feeling extremely not pregnant. During the IUI cycle that we did that ended in me being somewhat pregnant, I had really sore nipples. Nipples feeling just ducky. I was bloated that time around. No bloat at all.

I went out for "girls night" with my three new friends. I had two giant margaritas. So much for not drinking during the 2ww. Not that that was a strict rule of mine but it was something I had intended on avoiding. Maybe if I felt just a tiny inkling like I might be pregnant than I would have not drank so much. I don't know if it is because being pregnant doesn't even feel like a possibility right now or what, but it slipped my mind so much that I forgot to take my progesterone last night. I woke up in the middle of the night to pee and it occurred to me then that I had forgotten so I took care of it.

I'm just hoping that if I am not pregnant this time around, the progesterone doesn't keep AF away. I would hate to be late and have to figure out how I am going to squeeze blood work into my schedule just to find out that I am not pregnant. Tuesday will be 14 dpo and when AF should arrive. If AF doesn't arrive by Wednesday I am supposed to call my RE to make an appointment to go in Thursday for blood work. Thursdays and Fridays are both awful days for me to try to make it to my RE in the city and back in the morning (the only time they do the blood work) before getting the kids to school and soccer. If AF doesn't show up, I just might put off the blood work until next Saturday. Oh... the waiting... Glad to say that it hasn't gotten to me yet this cycle. I am sure I will be singing a whole different song come Tuesday.

Cycle 2, 2dpTI

In case you can't figure it out, 2dpTI = two days past timed intercourse.

Nothing really new going on. DH asked me yesterday if I felt anything. I told him yes, I could feel our kid kicking. Of course what he really wanted to know is if I felt any different than I did right after my trigger shot. My ovaries (mostly the left/useless one) felt huge there for a day and everything felt back to normal yesterday. Guess that means I really did ovulate. I started my progesterone suppositories last night.

I just read a statistic that there is an 8% chance that a person who has two ovaries and one tube (like me) can get pregnant even if they are ovulating from the wrong side. I knew there was a chance the other tube could pick it up and I knew the chance was slim, but never actually heard a statistic before. I didn't want this whole cycle to be a bust because I knew that even if I only had one possible nice follicle on the correct side, there was still a chance that a little egg from the other side could make it's way over. Of course there is also this super slim chance that DH's super crazy sperm could fertilize one of my eggs somewhere in my abdominal cavity and it could then attach to some bizarre place like my bowel and I could end up pretty much in the same boat I was last time with my pregnancy in my rudimentary horn. I don't know the statistics on that happening but I am sticking nearly impossible and it will never happen to me.

That is about it. I keep thinking I should start looking for a part-time job. As much as I love my kids and love spending time with them, I know that financially we could really benefit from me working a little. Also, I fear that putting my career on hold for too long is going to end up causing a huge delay with me moving forward in a career when I do go back to work. However, seems rather silly to be looking for a job now. Now that we discovered that we have some insurance coverage, that means more chances to get pregnant. I almost feel that it is inevitable at this point that I will some day be pregnant. Then what? Then I will have to quit my job anyway. Or I could put all this effort into getting my resume all polished up and searching for jobs and writing up cover letters and find out in two weeks that I am pregnant. Or, I might never end up pregnant and could just be waiting around for nothing.

Either way, nothing is happening with the job hunting today. I have a sore throat and am physically wiped out. I think I'll do some resting.

Cycle 2, CD 13

I got a call back from my RE's billing department yesterday. Finally, good news!! First of all, turns out I overpaid my account by almost $200 so we will be getting a refund. But more importantly, the lady in billing started looking into charging me for the bloodwork and u/s this cycle since we won't be using our ARC package. She double checked with my insurance just to make sure that it wasn't covered. My insurance never covered anything. Oddly, she got back some information that said it was covered. So, she called my insurance company and they told her that as of January 1st, I now have $10,000 in infertility coverage!! It is like free money!! The downside is that we already bought a package to cover three cycles of IUIs from ARC. I am almost certain that since we already used part of our package it will be non-refundable. With this new development, I feel a little less pressure about the financial situation dealing with infertility as well as less pressure in general. We still have this cycle, two more ARC cycles we paid for, and our insurance should cover 2-3 more IUI cycles if these ones don't work out. Plus, don't have to worry about shelling out the extra money for the "canceled" cycles like this one. Yay!

No sex for me last night. I didn't bring it up and DH didn't either.

I feel better this time around after the HCG trigger shot than I did last time. Last time I was just miserable and felt like I had the flu until I ovulated. Plus, the area around where I gave myself the injection was a huge red welt that burned so badly that I had to put ice on it. This time around I have a welt again that hurts a little, itches a little, but is tolerable. Felt pretty much normal all day until about 6:45. Then my left (useless) ovary started to feel like it was the size of a basketball. My right (good) ovary was definitely up to something too since I could feel it just a little bit. Go righty!!

Jumped in the sack with DH this evening. Was quite anxious myself because I didn't know how it would turn out. Five minutes later the deed was done. I propped a pillow under my hips for a little bit and hung out afterward just because you never know if that helps or not. Now I wait.