Cycle 2, CD 3

The cycle is officially underway. I made the drive to the city today for my baseline testing. The last song I heard in the car as I pulled up to the RE was called, "Hello New Day". I sang this to myself all through my appointment, because, hell, it was a new day. Although I know it is impossible, I am going to do my best to welcome in this next new chapter and put the past in the past. It's a new day, dammit!! Or at least a new cycle.

So, I pretended not to notice as I walked through the building that all the holiday decorations that I watched them put up were gone. I pretended not to think how when I saw them putting them up I was really hoping that I would be pregnant and not have to see that place with no holiday decorations and not pregnant. I pretended not to feel weird about starting over again, being back at that place having done it all before but gotten nowhere. I pretended that it didn't bother me when the u/s tech asked me about my pregnancy and the rudimentary horn removal and what else was removed. Tonight when I shot myself up with Gonal-F, I pretended that it didn't hurt at all and it won't hurt because all that I have ahead of me is blue skies and a new day.

Because really, it is a new day. Hello. Things are good. Maybe not great, but not bad either. I really am handling this all well. And just maybe most of the above paragraph was written more for the sake that it sounded good but didn't really reflect my true feelings. It's a new day. A new cycle. And I'm on the way to being a momma three times over. Dammit.